Definition of a sandwich.md

Definition of a sandwich and related foodstuffs.

Lemma 1. Definition of a distinct ingredient.

Let a distinct ingredient be anything such that its chemical composition is normally distributed. I.E, any volume bounded by a two-manifold with genus 0 inside the ingredient must have a chemical composition similar to that of the whole.

• A sausage is a distinct ingredient because cutting off a piece of the sausage will result in a chunk of stuff with roughly similar chemical composition to the whole sausage.
  • And you can't cheat and just pick say for example the casing because it has to have topological genus 0.
  • As a collary this makes things like hotdogs with jalapeño bits are not a single ingredient, which I argue is correct because the jalapeño is a distinct ingredient in the dog.
• As a collary, two ingredients are distinct if you can draw a surface through them them in a way that causes one to be seperatable from the other.
  • If you have bacon on lettuce, you can draw a line that divides the bacon from the lettuce.

Definition 1. Definition of a sandwich

A sandwich must filfull 4 distinct conditions:

1. A sandwich must have one or more edible primarily carbohydrate portions bounded by any set of two-manifolds with topological genus 0.
2. A sandwich must have two more more additional distinct ingredients, as defined by Lemma 1, unless it has two or more seperate bounded sections.
3. A sandwich's carbohydrate volume must form a convex hull that contain the entire sandwich, but whose (regular, non-convex) hull does not contain the entire sandwich.
4. A sandwich must be macroscopic; i.e. visible to an unaided observer.
   • Visibility will be defined as "above a human's absolute threshold for eyesight at 1m distance in a well-lit room."

Definition 2. Definition of a hotdog

A hotdot must also fulfill 4 distinct conditions:

1. A hotdog must have only one edible primarily carbohydrate portions bounded by any set of two-manifolds with topological genus 0
2. A hotdog must have only one additional distinct solid ingredient, as defined by Lemma 1.
   • A hotdog may have any number of liquid distinct ingredients.
3. A hotdog's carbohydrate volume must form a convex hull that contains 90% of the hotdog, but whose (regular, non-convex) hull does not contain the entire hotdog.
4. A hotdog must be macroscopic; i.e. visible to an unaided observer.
   • • Visibility will be defined as "above a human's absolute threshold for eyesight at 1m distance in a well-lit room."

Definition 3. Definition of a salad

A salad must fulfill 4 distinct conditions:

1. A salad can have its distinct ingredients seperated in half, and remixed back together, and still remain a salad.
2. A salad must be able to be mixed with any other salad, and ignoring resulting chemical reactions, still be considered a salad.
   • Collary: Salads form a closed group over themselves.
3. A salad must be less than 50% water.
4. A salad must be more than 90% edible by over 70% of the human population at any given time.

Definition 4. Definition of a soup

A soup must fulfill 3 distinct conditions:

1. A soup can have its distinct ingredients seperated in half, and remixed back together, and still remain a soup.
2. A soup must be able to be mixed with any other soup, and ignoring resulting chemical reactions, still be considered a soup.
   • Collary: Soups form a closed group over themselves.
3. A soup must be more than 50% water.
4. A soup must be more than 90% edible by over 70% of the human population at any given time.

FAQ

• Wait, does this mean that sushi (poptart, ravioli, etc.) is a sandwich?
  • No, the rice around a sushi forms a toroid and thus has topological genus 1. Ditto for the others.
• What about a burrito?
  • A burrito is not a sandwich because it completely encases the ingredients, meaning that it fails point 3
• So is a chili dog a sandwich?
  • Yes.
• Really?
  • Yes.
• Wait so is an ice cream sandwich a hotdog?
  • It has seperate top and bottom (usually)
• What about a jam sandwich?
  • Again; seperate top and bottom.
• Why can't you require hot dogs to have sausages?
  • My best friend is vegan.
• Really?
  • No. But my point still stands. Also, isn't this document already horrible enough? Do you want to try defining what is and isn't a sausage?
• So is lettuce with ranch in a bun a hotdog?
  • Yes.
• What about ?
  • I literally got that by googling "Ice Cream hotdog", it's a hotdog, legally and philosophically.
• Philosophically?
  • Think about it. Sandwiches are an idea of a thing you can hold by carbs and eat, so you don't get your hands dirty. Hotdogs are similar, but they aren't about a full meal: they're about the sausage, the singular ingredient. Sandwiches can load up on distinct pieces because they're a whole thing. Hotdogs are a singular focus on one main ingredient, with maybe some dressing. It's about the dog, in your heart; everything else is just stamp collecting. Similarily, a chili dog doesn't have that laser focus on it's core. It's not just about the sausage anymore, now it's about the chili and maybe cheese and onions and thus. Philosphically. Not a hotdog.
• Really?
  • Yes.
• Really?
  • I will fight you.
• So that lettuce with ranch in a bun...
  • Is a singular focus on something horrible. It's like the Hitler of hotdogs.
• What if a little bit of my ham or whatever peeks out from underneath my bread?
  • Then it doesn't deserve to be called a sandwich. We have standards. Trim your goshdamn sandwiches.
• Isn't this all kind of dumb?
  • Yes.
• How long did you spend on this?
  • 25 minutes, not counting logging into and uploading to Github.
• How can I contribute?
  • Spot a flaw? a definition not perfect? Open an issue or a pull request! Contribute to open source! Cory Doctorow would be proud.