quotes.txt

%%
 society has only those	criminals it deserves to have.
						 john (hannibal) smith.
%%
 there is a tide in the	affairs	of men which, taken at the flood,
 leads on to fortune.
						 william shakespear
%%
 problems are seldom as	bad as they seem at first sight.
						 venessa williams
%%
 there is virtually nothing that has come from molecular biology
 that can be of	any value to human living in the conventional sense
 of what is good, and quite tremendous possibilities of	evil...
						 sir frank macfarlane
%%
 god has infinite time to give us; but how did he give it? in one
 immense treat of lazy milleniums? no, he cut it up into a neat
 succession of new mornings.
						 ralph waldo emerson
%%
 science cannot	solve the ultimate mystery of nature. and that is
 because, in the last analysis,	we ourselves are part of nature	and
 therefore part	of the mystery we are trying to	solve.
						 max planck
%%
 science is not	a sacred cow. science is a horse. don't	worship	it.
 feed it.
						 aubrey	eben
%%
 for the world is like an olive	press, and men are constantly under
 preasure. if you are the dregs	of oil,	you are	carried	away through
 the sewer, but	if you are true	oil, you remain	in the vessel.
						 st. augustine
%%
 i like	the dreams of the future better	than the history of the	past.
						 thomas	jefferson
%%
 not a day passes over this earth but men and women of no note do
 great deeds, speak great words, and suffer noble past.
						 charles reed
%%
 like a	mutation, an idea may be recorded in the wrong time, to	be
 latent	like a recessive gene and spring once more to life in an
 auspicious era.
						 loren eisely
%%
 thanks	to science, you	can now	fly almost anywhere in half the	time
 it will take you to wait for your luggage after you get there.
						 bill vaughan
%%
 our time is a time for	crossing barriers, for erasing old categories-
 for probing around.
						 marshall macluhan
%%
 the release of	atomic energy constitutes a new	force too revolutionary
 to consider in	the framework of old ideas.
						 harry s. truman
%%
 psychology lost first its soul, then its mind,	and then its
 consciousness,	but it still has behavior of a kind.
						 e. g. boring
%%
 life is either	a daring adventure or nothing.
						 hellen	keller
%%
 which would you rather	have, a	bursting planet	or an earthquake
 here and there	?
						 john joseph lynch
%%
 there is more religion	in men's science than there is science
 in their religion.
						 henry david thoreau
%%
 science has nothing to	be ashamed of, even in the ruins of nagasaki.
						 jacob bronowski
%%
 nothing splendid has ever been	achieved except	by those who does
 believe that something	inside them was	superior to circumstances.
						 bruce barton
%%
 the great truths are too important to be new.
						 w. somerset maugham
%%
 sometimes one concludes that the real challenge of energy conservation
 is not	to do it, but rather to	believe	that it	can be done.
						 daniel	yergin
%%
 there is no democracy in physics. we can not say that some
 second-rate guy has as	much right to an opinion as fermi.
						 luis alvarez
%%
 the development of hydro power	in the desert of north africa
 awaits	only the introduction of water.
					   statement in	nuclear	news
%%
 there never was an idea started that woke men out of their stupid
 indifference but its originator was spoken of as a crank.
						 oliver	wendell	holmes
%%
 everything is theoretically impossible, until it is done. one could
 write a history of science in reverse by assembling the solemn
 pronouncements	of highest authority about what	could not be done
 and could never happen.
						 robert	a. heinlin
%%
 ...the	first thing that must be asked about future man	is whether
 he will be alive, and will know how to	keep alive, and	not whether
 it is a good thing that he should be alive.
						 charles galton	darwin
%%
 in a way, science might be described as paranoid thinking applied
 to nature: we are looking for natural conspiracies, for connections
 among apparently disparate data.
						 carl sagan
%%
 i like	people who refuse to speak until they are ready	to speak.
						 lillian hellman
%%
 all you need in life is ignorance and confidence, and then success
 is sure.
						 mark twain
%%
 science has proof without any certainty. creationists have certainty
 without any proof.
						 ashley	montague
%%
 birth and copulation, and death. that is all the facts	when you
 come to brass tacks.
						 t. s. eliot
%%
 you can predict things	only after they	have happened.
						 eugene	ionesco
%%
 after all, it is only the mediocre who	are always at their best.
						 jean giraudox
%%
 if god	does exist, then it is not the one who created everything,
 but the one who let everything	create itself .
						 phisician's opinion
%%
 never imagine yourself	not to be otherwise than what it might appear
 to others that	what you were or might have been was not otherwise
 than what you had been	would have appeared to them to be otherwise.
						 the duchess to	alice
%%
 life is what happens to you when you're busy planning other things.
						 john lennon
%%
 common	sense is the collection	of prejudices accumulated
 by the	age of eighteen.
						 albert	einstein
%%
 give people the tools they need,
 and there is no limit to what they achieve.
%%
 that, sir, is the good	of counting. it	brings everything to a certainty,
 which before floated in the mind indefinitely.
						   samuel johnson
%%
 three women and a goose make a	market.
						   italian proverb
%%
 be not	the first when the new are tried,
 nor yet the last to lay the old aside.
						   alexander pope
%%
 there are more	things in heaven and earth, horatio, than are dreamt
 of in your philosophy.
						   hamlet
%%
 for which of you, intending to	build a	tower, sitteth not down	first,
 and counteth the cost,	whether	to have	sufficient to finish it?
						   luke	14:28
%%
 a man is judged by the	company	he keeps.
%%
 we live on small ideas.
						   john	nichols
%%
 a company that	does not know where it wants to	go
  will not usually get there.
						   the economist
%%
 after all, who	buys the mop ?
 probably a purchasing agent who never lays his	hand on	one.
 does he ever go down and talk to the janitor and find out how well
 that mop works	?
						   sid crown
%%
 it's un-american to manufacture things.
 asian manufacture things.
 american acquire, divest, merge, and file for bankruptcy.
						   russel baker
%%
 i always thought cad/cam stood	for 'computer-aided design and
 manufacture', not for 'computer-accelerated disruption	and madness'.
						   s. g. panke
%%
 this is a story about four people named everybody, somebody,
 anybody and nobody. there was an important job	to be done and
 everybody was asked to	do it. anybody could have done it, but
 nobody	did it.	somebody got angry about that, because it was
 everybody's job. everybody thought anybody could do it	but
 nobody	realized that everybody	wouldn't do it.	it ended up
 that everybody	blamed somebody	when nobody did	what anybody
 could have done.
%%
 a wife, like a	computer ...
 after you marry her you find out that:
      1) it costs much more than you thought.
      2) she is	not doing what you thought she will.
      3) after a period	of time, it is impossible without her.
      4) after you have	got used to her	and found out that you can't
	 do without her, you realize that one is not enough ...
%%
 there are only	two things you can worry about,
 either	you are	well or	you are	sick.
 if you	are well then there is nothing to worry	about,
 but if	you are	sick then there	are only two thing you can worry about.
 either	you will get well or you will die.
 if you	gonna be well then there is nothing to worry about,
 but if	you gonna die there are	only two things	you can	worry about.
 either	you will go to hell or heaven.
 if you	go to heaven then there	is nothing to worry about,
 but, if you go	to hell, you will be so	damn busy shaking
 hands with friends so you won't have time to worry...
%%
 action	 seems to follow  feeling ,
 but realy, action and feeling go together,
 and by	regulating the action,
 which is the more under direct	control	of the will,
 we can	indirectly regulate the	 feeling , which is not.
			    hamlet of denmark
%%
 i like	the best !
 ( i like myself ... )
%%
 hungarians love paprika.
%%
 milk is milk.
						   tnuva
%%
 for him - it is 'danny'; for you - it is milk.
						   strauss
%%
 do not	read this sentence !
%%
 -think	big.
 -keep it simple.
 -search for the pattern.
%%
 produce !
%%
 reproduce !
%%
 think !
%%
 an apple a day	keeps the doctor away.
%%
 murphy's law:
   if anything can go wrong, it	will.
%%
 o'toole's commentary:
   murphy was an optimist.
%%
 nagler's comment on the origin	of murphy's law:
   murphy's law	was not	profounded by murphy, but by another man of
   the same name.
%%
 kohn's	corolarry  to murphy's law:
   two wrongs are only the beginning.
%%
 mcdonald's corollary to murphy's law:
   in any given	set of circumstances, the proper course	of action
   is determined by subsequent events.
%%
 murphy's law of government:
   if anything can go wrong, it	will do	so in triplicate.
%%
 maah's	law:
   things go right so they can go wrong.
%%
 addendum to murphy's law:
   in precise mathematical terms, 1+1=2, where '=' is a	symbol
   meaning 'seldom if ever'.
%%
 murphy's uncertainty principle:
   you can know	something has gone wrong only when you make an odd
   number of mistakes.
%%
 tussman's law:
   nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has	come.
%%
 gualtieri's law of inertia:
   where there's a will, there's a won't.
%%
 fahnestock's rule for failure:
   if at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you	tried.
%%
 zymurgy's law of evolving systems dynamics:
   once	you open a can of worms,
   the only way	to recan them is to use	a larger can.
   (old	worms never die, they just worm	their way into larger cans)
%%
 murphy's mathematical axiom:
   for large values of one, one	approaches two,	for small values of two.
%%
 dude's	law duality:
   of two possible events, only	the undesired one will occur.
%%
 hane's	law:
   there is no limit to	how bad	things can get.
%%
 perrusel's law:
   there is no job so simple that it cannot be done wrong.
%%
 mae west's observation:
   to err is human, but	it feels divine.
%%
 thine's law:
   nature abhors people.
%%
 borkowski's law:
   you can't guard against the aebitrary.
%%
 lackland's laws:
   1. never be first.
   2. never be last.
   3. never volunteer for anything.
%%
 the parouzzi principle:
   given a bad start, trouble will increase at an exponential rate.
%%
 the chi factor:
   quantity=1/quality; or, quantity is inversely proportional to quality.
%%
 ken's law:
   a flying particle will seek the neerest eye.
%%
 schopenhauer's	law of entropy:
   if you put a	spoonful of wine in a barrel full of sewage,you	get sewage.
   if you put a	spoonful of sewage in a	barrel full of wine,you	get sewage.
%%
 allen's law:
   almost anything is easier to	get into than to get out of.
%%
 frothingham's fourth law:
   urgency varies inversely with importance.
%%
 the rockefeller principle:
   never do anything you wouldn't be caught dead doing.
%%
 young's law of	inanimate mobility:
   all inanimate objects can move just enough to get in	your way.
%%
 smith's law:
   no real problem has a solution.
%%
 hoare's law of	large problems:
   inside every	large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.
%%
 the schainker converse	to hoare's law of large	problems:
   inside every	small problem is a larger problem struggling to	get out.
%%
 big al's law:
   a good solution can be successfully applied to almost any problem.
%%
 baruch's observation:
   if all you have is a	hammer,	everything looks like a	nail.
%%
 fox on	problematics:
   when	a problem goes away, the people	working	to solve it do not.
%%
 waldrop's principle:
   the person not here is the one working on the problem.
%%
 biondi's law:
   if your project doesn't work,
      look for the part	you didn't think was important.
%%
 disraeli's dictum:
   error is often more earnest than truth.
%%
 the roman rule:
   the one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt
   the one who is doing	it.
%%
 blair's observation:
   the best laid plans of mice and men are usually about equal.
%%
 seay's	law:
   nothing ever	comes out as planned.
%%
 ruckert's law:
   there is nothing so small that it can't be blown out	of proportion.
%%
 van herpen's law:
   the solving of a problem lies in finding the	solvers.
%%
 hall's	law:
   the means justify the means.	the approach to	a problem is more
   important than its solution.
%%
 baxter's law:
   an error in the premise will	appear in the conclusion.
%%
 mcgee's first law:
   it's	amazing	how long it takes to complete something
   you are not working on.
%%
 holten's homile:
   the only time to be positive	is when	you are	positive you are wrong.
%%
 sevareid's law:
   the chief cause of problems is solutons.
%%
 the bureacracy	principle:
   only	a bureacracy can fight a bureacracy.
%%
 fox on	bureacracy:
   a bureacracy	can outwait anything.
 corolarry:
   never get caught between two	bureacracies.
%%
 young's second	law:
   it is dead wood that	holds up the tree.
 corolarry:
   just	because	it is still standing, doesn't mean it is not dead.
%%
 hoffstedt's employment	principle:
   confusion creats jobs.
%%
 soper's law:
   any bureacracy reorganised to enhance efficiency is immediately
   indistinguishable from its predecessor.
%%
 gates'	law:
   the only important information in a hierarchy is who	knows what.
%%
 mckernan's maxim:
   those who are unable	to learn from past meetings
   are condemned to repeat them.
%%
 owen's	theory of organisational deviance:
   every organisation has an alloted number of positions to be filled
   by misfits.
 corolarry:
   once	a misfit leaves	another	will be	recruited.
%%
 aigner's axiom:
   no matter how well you perform your job, a superior will seek
   to modify the results.
%%
 things	that can be counted on in a crisis:
   marketing	  - says yes.
   finance	  - says no.
   legal	  - has	to review it.
   personnel	  - is concerned.
   planning	  - is frantic.
   engineering	  - is above it	all.
   manufacturing  - wants more floor space.
   top management - wants someone responsible.
%%
 courtois' rule:
   if people listened to themselves more often,	they would talk	less.
%%
 hutchins' law:
   you can't out-talk a	man who	knows what he's	talking	about.
%%
 fahnstock's third law of debate:
   any argument	worth debating is worth	avoiding altogether.
%%
 hartz's law of	rhetoric:
   any argument	carried	far enough will	end up in semantics.
%%
 mitchell's laws of commitology:
   1. any simple problem can be	made insoluble if enough conferences
      are held to discuss it.
   2. once the way to screw up a project is presented for consideration
      it will be accepted as the soundest solution.
   3. after the	solution screws	up the project,	all those who initially
      endorsed it will say,'i wish i had voiced	my reservations
      at the time.'
%%
 kim's rule of commitees:
   if an hour has been spent amending a	sentence, someone will move
   to delete the paragraph.
%%
 the eleventh commandment:
   thou	shalt not commitee.
%%
 kennedy's comment on commitees:
   a commitee is twelve	men doing the work of one.
%%
 sweeney's law:
   the length of a progress report is inversely	proportional to
   the amount of progress.
%%
 morris' law of	conferences:
   the most interesting	paper will be scheduled	simultaneously with
   the second most interesting paper.
%%
 third law of commito-dynamics:
   those most opposed to serving on commitees are made chairmen.
%%
 helga's rule:
   say no, then	negotiate.
%%
 brown's rules of leadership:
   1. to succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above
      your principles.
   2. the best way to succeed in politics is to	find a crowd that's
      going somewhere and get in front of them.
%%
 the rule of law:
   if the facts	ae against you,	argue the law.
   if the law is against you, argue the	facts.
   if the facts	and the	law are	against	you, yell like hell.
%%
 miles'	law:
   where you stand depends on where you	sit.
%%
 fibley's extension to miles' law:
   where you sit depends on who	you know.
%%
 fox on	power:
   arrogance is	too often the companion	of exellence.
%%
 walton's law of politics:
   a fool and his money	are soon elected.
%%
 the fifth rule	of politics:
   when	a politician gets an idea, he usually gets it wrong.
%%
 wilkie's law:
   a good slogan can stop analysis for fifty years.
%%
 sherman's rule	of press conferences:
   the explanation of a	disaster will be made by a stand-in.
%%
 roche's fifth law:
   every american crusade winds	ip as a	racket.
%%
 miller's rule:
   exceptions prove the	rule-and wreck the budget.
%%
 buchwald's law:
   as the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
%%
 ogden nash's law:
   progress may	have been all right once, but it went on too long.
%%
 finnigan's law:
   the farther away the	future is, the better it looks.
%%
 simon's law of	politics:
   glory may be	fleeting, but obscurity	is forever.
%%
 thompson's theorem:
   when	the going gets weird, the weird	turn pro.
%%
 first law of politics:
   stay	in with	the outs.
%%
 law of	promotional tours:
   jet lag accumulates unit directionally towards maximum difficulty
   to perform.
%%
 robbins' mini-max rule	of government:
   any minimum criteria	set will be the	maximum	value used.
%%
 lowe's	rule:
   success always occurs in private, and failure in full public	view.
%%
 horowitz's rule:
   wisdom consists of knowing when to avoid perfection.
%%
 de nevers' law	of complexity:
   the simplest	subjects are the ones you don't	know anything about.
%%
 christie-davies' theorum:
   if your facts are wrong but your logic is perfect,
   then	your conclusions are inevitably	false.
   therefore, by making	mistakes in your logic,
   you have at least a random chance to	a correct conclusion.
%%
 mclellan's law	of cognition:
   only	new categories escape the stereotyped thinking associated
   with	old abstractions.
%%
 hartz's uncertainty principle:
   ambiguity is	invariant.
%%
 de nevers' law	of debate:
   two monologues do not make a	dialog.
%%
 emerson's observation:
   in every work of genius we recognise	our rejected thoughts.
%%
 hiram's law:
   if you consult enough experts you can confirm any opinion.
%%
 jordan's law:
   an informant	who never produces misinformation is too deviant
   to be trusted.
%%
 de nevers' lost law:
   never speculate on that which can be	known for certain.
%%
 las vegas law:
   never bet on	a loser	because	you think his luck is bound to change.
%%
 van roy's second law:
   if you can distinguish between good advice and bad advice,
   then	you don't need advice.
%%
 howe's	law:
   everyone has	a scheme that will not work.
%%
 munder's corollary to howe's law:
   everyone who	does not work has a scheme that	does work.
%%
 fox on	decisiveness:
   1. decisiveness is not in itself a virtue.
   2. to decide	not to decide is a decision.
      to fail to decide	is a failure.
   3. an important reason for an executive's existence is
      to make sensible exceptions to policy.
%%
 ely's key to success:
   create a need, and fill it.
%%
 bralek's rule for success:
   trust only those who	stand to lose as much as you
   when	things go wrong.
%%
 poulsen's prophecy:
   if anything is used to its full potential, it will break.
%%
 mayne's law:
  nobody notices the big errors.
%%
 principle of design inertia:
   any change looks terrible at	first.
%%
 eng's principle:
   the easier is to do it, the harder it is to change.
%%
 robertson's law:
   quality assurance doesn't.
%%
 wright's first	law of quality:
   quality is inversely	proportional to	the time left
   for completion of the project.
%%
 edwards' time/effort law:
   effort * time = constant
   a. given a large initial time to do something
      the initial effort will be small.
   b. as time goes to zero, effort goes	to infinity.
   corollary:
     if	it weren't for the last	minute,	nothing	would get done.
%%
 first law of corporate	planning:
   anything that can be	changed	will be	changed	until there is
   no time left	to change anything.
%%
 beach's law:
   no two identical parts are alike.
%%
 willoughby's law:
   when	you try	to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
%%
 the basic law of construction:
   cut it large	and kick it into place.
%%
 meissnre's law:
   any producing entity	is the last to use its own product.
%%
 macpherson's theory of	entropy:
   it requires less energy to take an object out of its	proper place
   than	to put it back.
%%
 special law:
   the work-bench is always untidier than last time.
%%
 general law:
   the chaos in	the universe always increases.
%%
 schrank's first law:
   if it doesn't work, expand it.
   corollary:
     the greater the amgnitude,	the less notice	will be	taken that
     it	doesn't	work.
%%
 bitton's postulate on state-of-the-art	electronics:
   if you understand it, it's obsolete.
%%
 manubay's laws	for programmers:
   1. if a programmer's	modification of	an exisiting programme works,
      it's probably not	what the users want.
   2. users don't know what they really	want,
      but they know for	certain	what they don't	want.
%%
 law of	thermodynamics:
   1. you cannot win.
   2. you cannot break even.
   3. you cannot get out of the	game.
%%
 if anything can go wrong, it wilkaghdvlkrfvq76321k5zc9v12k<269vkxz9k
 ied996z symptom dump output
  abend	code system=0q9	time=25.31.19 seq=31675	cpu=0000 asid=004k
  psw at time of error	078d1000   81b5f5b0  ilc 4  intc 10
    no active zproc found
    data at psw	 01b5f5aa  b1385810  b0509ba7  100047e0
    gpr	 0-3  13a5bc99	09234ba6  a0dc65ab  cc712b69
    gpr	 4-7  3cebd794	1f2f3171  27a3b84c  59d6ae70
    gpr	 8-11 5a08f5b2	4d5d6f80  91fa01b2  c34d50e6
    gpr	12-15 794613ce	7a8b9c0f  1c820dd4  4f0a4c6b
  end of symptom dump
 #
%%
 mrs. murphy's law (also known as the buttered-side-down law or
		    the	law of selective gravity):
   an object will fall so as to	do the most damage.

 jenning's corollary:
   the chance of the bread falling butter side down is directly
   proportional	to the cost of the carpet.

 jenning's second corollary:
   if the bread	fell on	the non-buttered side, you buttered it on
   the wrong side.
%%
 bernstein's law:
   a fallen body will always roll to the most inaccessible spot.
%%
 the peter principle:
   every man is	promoted to his	own level of incompetence.
%%
 watson's special case to the peter principle:
   managers in an organization will rise to their level	of incompetence.
%%
 schmitter's nonreciprocal laws	of expectations:
   negative expectations yield negative	results.
   positive expectations yield negative	results.
%%
 etorre's axiom	(etorre's observation):
   the other line moves	faster.
%%
 skinner's constant (also known	as flannagan's finagling factor):
   that	quantity which,	when multipliedby, divided by, added to	or
   subtracted from the answer you get, gives you the answer you
   should have gotten.
%%
 gordon's first	law:
   if a	research project is not	worth doing, it	is not worth doing well.
%%
 maire's law (in the u.s., meyer's law):
   if the facts	do not conform to the theory, they must	be disposed of.
%%
 boren's law:
   1) when in doubt, mumble.
   2) when in trouble, delegate.
   3) when in charge, ponder.
%%
 schmitze's alternative:
   when	in doubt, don't.
%%
 the golden rule of arts and sciences:
   whoever has the gold	makes the rules.
%%
 barth's distinction:
   there are two types of people:
   those who divide people into	two types, and those who don't.
%%
 segal's law:
   a man with one watch	knows what time	it is.
   a man with two watches is never sure.
%%
 the ninety-ninety rule	of project scheduling:
   the first ninety percent of a task consumes ten percent of the
   time	allotted; the last ten percent consumes	the other ninety percent.
%%
 farber's first	law:
   give	him an inch and	he'll screw you.
%%
 farber's second law:
   a hand in the bush is worth two anywhere else.
%%
 farber's third	law:
   we're all going down	the same road in different directions.
%%
 farber's fourth law:
   necessity is	the mother of strange bedfellows.
%%
 first law of light housekeeping:
   dust	breeds.
%%
 witzenburg's law of airline travel:
   the distance	between	the ticket counter and your flight gate	is
   directly proportional to the	weight of your luggage and inversely
   proportional	to the time remaining before take-off.
%%
 goff's	law of social smoking:
   in a	gathering of two or more people, when a	lighted	cigarette is
   placed in an	ashtray, the smoke will	waft into the face of
   a nonsmoker.
%%
 medit's subway	postulate:
   no matter which train you are waiting for, the wrong	one arrives first.
%%
 gestra's law of inertia:
   given sufficient time, what you put off doing today
   will	eventually get done by itself.
%%
 smith's third principle of bureaucratic tinkertoys:
   never do anything for the first time.
%%
 chisholm's law	of inevitability:
   anytime things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something.
%%
 meshimen's law	of perfection:
   there is never time to do it	right but always time to do it wrong.
%%
 price's law of	politics:
   it is easier	to be a	liberal	a long way from	home.
%%
 the unspeakable law:
   as soon as you mention something, if	it is good, it goes away;
				     if	it is bad, it happens.
%%
 wilkinson's corollary:
   the minimum time needed to complete any project is exactly equal
   to the maximum time available to work on it.
%%
 bjork's extrapolation:
   a civil service expands by an inexorable rule of growth,
   irrespective	of the work (if	any) which has to be done.
%%
 parkinson's second law:
   expenditure rises to	meet income.
%%
 parkinson's law of delay:
   delay is the	deadliest form of denial.
%%
 parkinson's law of institutions:
   instituitions build their perfect headquarters at the beginning
   of their decay.
%%
 parkinson's official laws:
   1. an official wants	to multiply subordinates, not rivals.
   2. officials	make more work for each	other.
%%
 mrs. parkinson's law (applies to the married women of the western world):
   heat	produced by domestic pressure expands to fill the mind
   available from which	it can pass only to a cooler mind.
%%
 the harvard law:
   under the most rigorous controled conditions	of pressure, temperature,
   volume, humidity and	other variables, the organism will do
   as it damn well pleases.
%%
 the fundamental assumption:
   all assumptions are false.
   this	is especially true of obvious assumptions.
%%
 wayne's correlation:
   it is foolhardy to assume that jiggling x will not diddle y,
   however unlikely.
%%
 the army general's law	(also the admiral's law):
   nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it.
%%
 velonis' principle:
   the question	is always more important then the answer.
%%
 the parliament	law:
   the necessity for providing an answer varies	inversely with the
   amount of time the question can be evaded.
%%
 the first two rules of	work:
   rule	one: the boss is always	right.
   rule	two: when the boss is wrong, refer to rule one.
%%
 adler's law:
   warranties cover only things	that doesn't break down.
%%
 o'brien's principle (also the $357.73 theory):
   auditors always reject any expense account with a bottom-line
   divisible by	five or	ten.
%%
 nienberg's law:
   progress is made on alternate fridays.
%%
 cahn's	axiom:
   when	all else fails,	read the instructions.
%%
 mellon's law (also known as luce's law):
   no good deed	ever goes unpunished.
%%
 the executive umbrella	law:
   a businessman needs three umbrellas:
     one to leave at the office,
     one to leave at home,
     and one to	leave on the train.
%%
 rowe's	rule:
   the odds are	five to	six that the light at the end of the tunnel
   is the headlight of an oncoming train.
%%
 weaver's law:
   when	several	employees share	a cab,
   the employee	in the front seat pays for all.
%%
 dovle's corollary:
   no matter how many employees	share a	cab, and no matter who pays,
   each	puts the full fare on his expense account.
%%
 horner's five-thumb postulate:
   experience gained is	proportional to	the amount of equipment	ruined.
%%
 man's law:
   no matter what happens, there is someone who	knew it	would.
%%
 the captain's postulate:
   we are all in the same boat - the titanic.
%%
 the fundamental law of	entropy:
   left	to themselves, things will go from bad to worse.
   (see	murphy's eighth	law.)
%%
 russel's remark:
   a hero is a person who hasn't examined all the facts.
%%
 mcluhan's observation:
   there are many who are looking forward through a rear view mirror.
%%
 agnes'	law:
   almost anything is easier to	get into than out of.
%%
 allen's remark:
   the lion and	the calf shall lie down	together,
   but the calf	won't get much sleep.
%%
 anthony's law of force:
   don't force it, get a larger	hammer.
%%
 the army theorem:
   an order that can be	misunderstood will be misunderstood.
%%
 the civil corollary:
   if you explain something so clearly that no one can misunderstand,
   somebody will.
%%
 bolton's law of budgeting:
   under current practices, both expenditures and revenues rise	to
   meet	each other, no matter which one	may be in excess.
%%
 boyle's law:
   if not controlled,
   work	will flow to the competent man until he	submerges.
%%
 broder's law:
   anyone who wants the	presidency so much that	he'll spend two	years
   organizing the campaigning for it, is not to	be trusted with	the office.
%%
 canada	bill jones' creed:
   it is morally wrong to allow	suckers	to keep	their money.
%%
 canada	bill jones' supplement:
   a smith and wesson beats four aces.
%%
 colson's law:
   if you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will	follow.
%%
 dirksen's motto:
   don't get mad, get even.
%%
 finagle's warning:
   science is the truth. don't be misled by facts.
%%
 finagle's correction:
   when	an error has been detected and corrected, it will be found
   to have been	right in the first place.
%%
 finagle's first law:
   if an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
%%
 finagle's second law:
   no matter what result is anticipated, there will always be someone
   eager to (a)	misinterpret it,
	    (b)	fake it, or
	    (c)	believe	it happened due	to his own pet theory.
%%
 finagle's third law:
   in any collection of	data, the figure most obviously	correct,
   beyond all need of checking,	is the mistake.
   corollary 1:	no one whom you	ask for	help will see it.
   corollary 2:	everyone who stops by with unsought advice will
		see it immediately.
%%
 finagle's fourth law:
   once	a job is fouled	up,
   anything done to improve it only makes it worse.
%%
 finagle's rules:
   ever	since the first	scientific experiment, man has been plaqued
   by the increasing antagonism	of nature. it seems only right that
   nature should be logical and	neat, but experience has shown that
   this	is not the case. a further series of rules has been formulated,
   designed to help man	accept the pigheadedness of nature.

   rule	1: to study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before
	   you start.
   rule	2: always keep a record	of data. it indicates you've been
	   working.
   rule	3: always draw your curves, then plot the readings.
   rule	4: in case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
   rule	5: experiments should be reproducible. they should all fail
	   in the same way.
   rule	6: do not believe in miracles. rely on them.
%%
 getty's prophecy:
   the meek shall inherit the earth but	not its	mineral	rights.
%%
 herblock's law:
   if it's good, they'll stop making it.
%%
 hull's	advice:
   never insult	an alligator until after you have crossed the river.
%%
 marshall's generalized	iceburg	theory:
   seven eighths of everything can't be	seen.
%%
 merrill's axiom:
   in a	democracy, you can be respected	though poor, but don't count on	it.
%%
 miles'	law:
   the race is not always to the swift,
   nor the battle to the strong,
   but that's the way to bet.
%%
 the first law of wing walking:
   never let go	of what	you've got until you've	got hold of something else.
%%
 airplane law:
   when	the plane you are on is	late,
   the plane you want to transfer to is	on time.
%%
 allison's precept:
   the best simple-minded test of expertise in a particular area is
   the ability to win money in a series	of bets	on future
   occurences in that area.
%%
 anthony's law of workshop:
   any tool, when dropped, will	role into the least accessible corner
   of the workshop.
%%
 corollary to anthony's	law:
   on the way to the corner, any dropped tool will first always
   strike your toes.
%%
 axiom of the pipe (trischmann's paradox):
   a pipe gives	a wise man time	to think
   and a fool something	to stick in his	mouth.
%%
 baker's law:
   misery no longer loves company.
   nowadays it insists on it.
%%
 barzun's laws of learning:
   1) the simple but difficult arts of paying attention,
      copying accurately, following an argument, detecting an ambiguity
      or a false inference, testing quesses by summoning up contrary
      instances, organizing one's time and one's thought for study-
      all these	arts-cannot be taught in the air but only through the
      difficulties of a	defined	subject. they cannot be	taught in one
      course or	one year, but must be acquired gradually in dozens
      of connections.

   2) the analogy to athletics must be pressed until all recognize that
      in the exercise of intellect those who lack the muscles,
      coordination, and	will power can claim no	place at the training
      table, let alone on the playing field.
%%
 forthoffer's cynical summary of barzun's laws:
   1) that which has not yet been taught directly can never
      be taught	directly.
   2) if at first you don't succeed, you will never succeed.
%%
 becker's law:
   it is much harder to	find a job than	to keep	one.
%%
 beinfelds principle:
   the probability of a	young man meeting a desirable and receptive
   young female	increases by pyramidal progression when	he is already
   in the company of (1) a date,
		     (2) his wife,
		     (3) a better looking and richer male friend.
%%
 bicycle law:
   all bicycles	weigh 50 pounds:
     a 30-pound	bicycle	needs a	20-pound lock and chain.
     a 40-pound	bicycle	needs a	10-pound lock and chain.
     a 50-pound	bicycle	needs no lock or chain.
%%
 blaauw's law:
   established technology tends	to persist in spite of new technology.
%%
 booker's law:
   an ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.
%%
 brien's first law:
   at some time	in the life cycle of virtually every organization,
   its ability to succeed in spite of itself runs out.
%%
 brook's law:
   adding manpower to a	late software project makes it later.
%%
 clarke's first	law:
   when	a distinguished	but elderly scientist states that something is
   possible, he	is almost certainly right.
   when	he states that something is impossible,	he is very probably wrong.
%%
 clarke's second law:
   the only way	to discover the	limits of the possible is to go	beyond
   them	into the impossible.
%%
 clarke's third	law:
   any sufficiently advanced technology	is indistinguishable from magic.
%%
 clarke's law of revolutionary ideas:
   every revolutionary idea - in science, politics, art	or whatever -
   evokes three	stages of reaction. they may be	summed up by the
   three phrases:
   1) "it is completely	impossible -- don't waste my time."
   2) "it is possible, but it is not worth doing."
   3) "i said it was a good idea all along."
%%
 cole's	law:
   thinly sliced cabbage.
%%
 cook's	law:
   much	work --	much food,
   little work -- little food,
   no work -- burial at	sea.
%%
 murphy's first	law:
   nothing is as simple	as it looks;
%%
 murphy's second law:
   everything takes longer than	you think.
%%
 murphy's third	law:
   in any field	of scientific endeavor,
   anything that can go	wrong will go wrong.
%%
 murphy's fourth law:
   is there is a possibility of	several	things going wrong,
   the one that	will cause the most damage will	be the one to go wrong.
%%
 murphy's fifth	law:
   if anything just cannot go wrong, it	will anyway.
%%
 murphy's sixth	law:
   if you percieve that	there are four possible	ways in	which a	procedure
   can go wrong, and circumvent	these, then a fifth way, unprepared for,
   will	promptly develop.
%%
 murphy's seventh law:
   left	to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
   (see	the fundamental	law of entropy.)
%%
 murphy's eighths law:
   if everything seems to be going well,
   you have obviously overlooked something.
%%
 murphy's nineth law:
   nature always sides with the	hidden flaw.
%%
 murphy's tenth	law:
   mother nature is a bitch.
%%
 murphy's eleventh law:
   it is impossible to make anything foolproof because tools are so ingenious.
%%
 murphy's law of thermodynamics:
   things get worse under pressure.
%%
 murphy's asymptotic descent:
   when	everything possible has	gone wrong,
   things will probably	get worse.
%%
 zymurgy's seventh exception to	murphy's law:
   when	it rains, it pours.
%%
 zymurgy's law on the availability of volunteer	labor:
   people are always available for work	in the past tense.
%%
 wynne's law:
   negative slack tends	to increase.
%%
 worker's dilema law (or management's put-down law):
   1) no matter	how much you do, you'll	never do enough.
   2) what you don't do	is always more important than what you do do.
%%
 wolf's	law (an	optimistic view	of a pessimistic world):
   it isn't that things	will necessarily go wrong (murphy's law),
   but rather that they	will take so much more time and	effort than
   you think if	they are not to	go wrong.
%%
 wiker's law:
   government expands to absorb	revenue	and then some.
%%
 white's statement:
   don't lose heart...

 owen's	comment	on white's statement:
   ...they might want to cut it	out...

 byrd's	addition to owen's comment on white's statement:
   ...and they want to avoid a lengthy search.
%%
 white's chappagwiddick	theorem:
   the sooner and in more detail you announce bad news,	the better.
%%
 westheimer's rule:
   to estimate the time	it takes to do a task:
     estimate the time you think it should take,
     multiply by two,
     and change	the unit of measure to the next	highest	unit.

   thus	we allocate two	days for a one hour task.
%%
 weinberg's law:
   if builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs,
   then	the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
%%
 weinberg's corollary:
   an expert is	a person who avoids the	small errors while sweeping
   on to the grand fallacy.
%%
 weber-fechner law:
   the least change in stimulus	necessary to produce a perceptible
   change in response is proportional to the stimulus already existing.
%%
 vonnegut's corollary:
   beauty may be only skin deep,
   but ugliness	goes right to the core.
%%
 vigue's law:
   a man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle.
%%
 vail's	axiom:
   in any human	enterprises, work seeks	the lowest hierarchical	level.
%%
 truth 5.1 of management:
   organizations always	have too many managers.
%%
 bucy's	law:
   nothing is ever accomplished	by a reasonable	man.
%%
 bye's first law of model railroading:
   anytime you wish to demonstrate something,
   the number of faults	is proportional	to the number of viewrs.
%%
 bye's second law of model railroading:
   the desire for modeling a prototype is inversely proportional
   to the decline of the prototype.
%%
 camp's	law:
   a coup that is known	in advance is a	coup that does not take	place.
%%
 cheop's law:
   nothing ever	gets built on schedule or within budget.
%%
 churchill's commentary	on man:
   man will occasionally stumble over the truth	but most of the	time
   he will pick	himself	up and continue	on.
%%
 cohen's law:
   what	realy matters is the name you succeed in imposing on the facts-
   not the facts themselves.
%%
 commoner's three laws of ecology:
   1) no action	is without side-effects.
   2) nothing is ever goes away.
   3) there is no free lunch. (see crane's law.)
%%
 cornuelle's law:
   authority tends to assign jobs to those least able to do them.
%%
 crane's law (friedman's reiteration):
   there ain't no such thing as	a free lunch.
%%
 diogenes' first dictum:
   the more heavily man	is supposed to be taxed,
   the more power he has to escape being taxed.
%%
 diogenes' second dictum:
   if a	taxpayer thinks	he can cheat safely, he	probably will.
%%
 dow's law:
   in a	hierarchical organization, the higher the level,
   the greater the confusion.
%%
 dunne's law:
   the territory behind	rhetoric is too	often mined with equivocation.
%%
 evan's	law of politics:
   when	team members are finally in a position to help the team,
   it turns out	they have quit the team.
%%
 everitt's form	of the second law of thermodynamics:
   confusion (entropy) is always increasing in society.
   only	if someone or something	works extremely	hard can this confusion
   be reduced to order in a limited region.
   nevertheless, this effort will still	result in an increase in the
   total confusion of society at large.
%%
 the fifth rule:
   you have taken yourself too seriously.
%%
 grendel's law:
   there is no limit to	desire,	but desire's need.
%%
 first law of bicycling:
   no matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the wind.
%%
 first law of bridge:
   it's	always partner's fault.
%%
 first law of canoeing (alfred's andrews' canoeing postulate):
   no matter which direction you start,	it's always against the	wind
   coming back.
%%
 first law of debate:
   never argue with a fool. people might not know the difference.
%%
 first law of office holders:
   get re-elected.
%%
 fitz-gibbon's law:
   creativity varies inversely with the	number of cooks	involved
   with	the broth.
%%
 flap's	law:
   any inanimate object, regardless of its position or configuration,
   may be expected to perform at any time in a totally unexpected
   manner for reasons that are either entirely obscure or else
   completely mysterious.
%%
 fortis' three great lies of life:
   1) money isn't everything.
   2) it's great to be a negro.
   3) i'm only going to	put it in a little way.
%%
 fourtinth corollary of	atwood's general law of	dynamic	negatives:
   no books are	lost by	loaning	except for those you particularly
   wanted to keep.
%%
 franklin's rule:
   blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall not be disappointed.
%%
 gib's laws of unreliability:
   1) computers	are unreliable,	but humans are even more unreliable.

      corollary:
	at the source of any error which is blamed on the computer
	you will find at least two human errors, including th error
	of blaming it on the computer.

   2) any system which depends on human	reliability is unreliable.

   3) the only difference between the fool and the criminal who	attacks
      a	system is that the fool	attacks	unpredictably and on a broader
      front.

   7) undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to
      detectable errors, which by definition are limited.

   9) investment in reliability	will increase until it exceeds the
      probable cost of errors, or until	someone	insists	on getting
      some useful work done.
%%
 golden	rules of indulgence:
   everything in excess! to enjoy the full flavour of life, take big
   bites. moderation is	for monks. yield to temtation; it may never
   pass	your way again.
%%
 gray's	law of programming:
   n+1 trivial tasks are expected to be	accomplished in	the same time
   as n	trivial	tasks.
%%
 logg's	rebuttal to gray's law of programming:
   n+1 trivial tasks take twice	as long	as n trivial tasks.
%%
 gresham's law:
   trivial matters are handled promptly;
   important matters are never solved.
%%
 grosch's law:
   computing power increases as	the square of the cost.
   if you want to do it	twice as cheaply, you have to do it four times
   as fast.
%%
 gummidge's law:
   the amount of expertise varies in inverse proportion	to the number
   of statements understood by the general public.
%%
 gumperson's law:
   the probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to	its
   desirability.
%%
 hacker's law of personnel:
   anyone having supervisory responsibility for	the completion of a task
   will	invariably protest that	more resources are needed.
%%
 hagerty's law:
   if you lose your temper at a	newspaper columnist,
   he'll get rich or famous or both.
%%
 haldane's law:
   the inverse is not only queerer than	we imagine;
   it is queerer than we can imagine.
			 ---
%%
 harper's magazine's law:
   you never find an article until you replace it.
%%
 hartley's first law:
   you can lead	a horse	to water,
   but if you can get him to float on his back you've got something.
%%
 hartley's second law:
   never sleep with anyone crazier than	yourself.
%%
 heller's law:
   the first myth of management	is that	it exists.
%%
 johnson's corollary to	heller's law:
   nobody really knows what is going on	anywhere within	your organization.
%%
 howard's first	law of theater:
   use it.
%%
 hull's	theorem:
   the combined	pull of	several	protons	is the sum of their seperate
   pulls multiplied by the number of protons.
%%
 ibm polyanna principle:
   machines should work. people	should think.
%%
 imhoff's law:
   the organization of any bureaucracy is very much like a septic tank-
   the really big chunks always	rise to	the top.
%%
 iron law of distribution:
   them	what has - gets.
%%
 italian proverb:
   she who is silent consents.
%%
 jenkinson's law:
   it won't work.
%%
 john cameron's	law:
   no matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered, take it,
   because it'll never be quite	the same again.
%%
 john's	axiom:
   when	your opponent is down, kick him.
%%
 john's	collateral corollary:
   in order to get a loan you must first prove you don't need it.
%%
 johnson's first law of	auto repair:
   any tool dropped while repairing  an	automobile will	role under
   the car to the vehicle's exact geographic center.
%%
 johnson-laird's law:
   toothache tends to start on saturday	night.
%%
 jones'	law:
   the man who can smile when things go	wrong has thought of
   someone he can blame	it on.
%%
 jones'	motto:
   friends may come and	go, but	enemies	accumulate.
%%
 katz's	law:
   men and nations will	act rationally when all	other possibilities
   have	been exhausted.
%%
 kerr-martin law:
   1) in dealing with their own	problems, faculty members are the most
      extreme conservatives.
   2) in dealing with other people's problems, they are	the world's
      most extreme liberals.
%%
 kirkland's law:
   the usefulness of any meeting is in inverse proportion to the attendance.
%%
 kitman's law:
   pure	drivel tends to	drive ordinary drivel off the tv screen.
%%
 lani's	principles of economics:
   1) taxes are	not levied for the benefit of the taxed.
   2)k 100 placed at 7%	interest compounded quarterly for 200 years
      will increase to more thank 100,000,000 by which time it will
      be worth nothing.
   3) in god we	trust, all others pay cash.
%%
 la rochefoucauld's law:
   it is more shameful to distrust one's friends
   than	to be decieved by them.
%%
 law of	communication:
   the inevitable result of improved and enlarged communications
   between different levels in a hierarchy is a	vastly increased
   area	of misunderstanding.
%%
 law of	computability applied to social	science:
   if at first you don't succeed, transform your data set.
%%
 law of	perversity of nature (mrs. murphy's corollary):
   you cannot successfully determine beforehand
   which side of the bread to butter.
%%
 law of	superiority:
   the first example of	superior principle is always inferior to the
   developed example of	inferior principle.
%%
 laws of computer programming:
   1) any given	program, when running, is obsolete.
   2) any given	program	costs more and takes longer.
   3) if a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
   4) if a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
   5) any given	program	will expand to fill all	available memory.
   6) the value	of a program is	proportional to	the weight of its output.
   7) program complexity grows until it	exceeds	the capability of
      the programmer who must maintain it.
   8) make it possible for programmers to write	programms in english,
      and you will find	that programmers cannot	write in english.
%%
 laws of gardening:
   1) other people's tools work	only in	other people's yards.
   2) fancy gizmos don't work.
   3) if nobody	uses it, there's a reason.
   4) you get the most of what you need	the least.
%%
 le chatelier's	law:
   if some stress is brought to	bear on	a system in equilibrium,
   the equilibrium is displaced	in the direction which tends to	undo
   the effect of the stress.
%%
 les miserables	metalaw:
   all laws, whether good, bad,	or indifferent,	must be	obeyed to the letter.
%%
 long's	notes:
   1) always store beer	in a dark place.
   2) any priest or shaman must	be presumed guilty until proved	innocent.
   3) always listen to experts.	they'll	tell you what can't be done,
      and why. then do it.
   4) it has long been known that one horse can	run faster than	another-
      but which	one? differences are crucial.
   5) a	poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty	habits.
   6) small change can often be	found under seat cushions.
   7) it's amazing how much "mature wisdom" resembles being too	tired.
   8) secrecy is the beginning of tyranny.
   9) it's better to copulate than never.
  10) never appeal to man's "better nature". he	may not	have one.
      (invoking	his self-interest gives	you more leverage.)
  11) an elephant: a mouse built to government specifications.
  12) a	zygote is a gamete's way of producing more gametes.
  13) god is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent.
      it says so right here on the label. if you have a	mind capable
      of believing all three of	these divine attributes	simultanously,
      i	have a wonderful bargain for you. no checks, please. cash and
      in small bills.
  14) waking a person unnecessarily should not be considered a capital
      crime. for the first offense, that is.
  15) beware of	altruism. it is	based on self-deception, the root of
      all evil.
  16) never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
  17) rub her feet.
  18) to stay young requires unceasing cultivation of the ability
      to unlearn old falsehoods.
  19) does history record any case in which the	majority was right?
  20) be wary of strong	drinks.
      it can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss.
  21) never try	to outstubborn a cat.
  22) natural laws have	no pity.
  23) you can go wrong by being	too skeptical as readily as by being
      too trusting.
  24) anything free is worth what you pay for it.
  25) pessimist	by policy, optimist by temperament-
      it is possible to	be both. how?
      by never taking unnecessary chances and by minimizing risks you
      can't avoid. this	permits	you to play the	game happily,
      untroubled by the	certainty of the outcome.
  26) "i came, i saw, she conquered." (the original latin seems	to
      have been	garbled.)
  27) the greatest productive force is human selfishness.
  28) a	skunk is better	company	than a person who prides himself on
      being "frank".
  29) the correct way to punctuate a sentence that starts: "of course
      it's none	of my business,	but..."	is to place a period after
      the "but". don't use excessive force in supplying	such morons
      with a period. cutting his throat	is only	a momentary pleasure
      and is bound to get you talked about.
  30) don't try	to have	the last word. you might get it.
%%
 lord falkland's rule:
   when	it is not necessary to make a decision,
   it is necessary not to make a decision.
%%
 lowery's law:
   if it jams, force it. if it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
%%
 malek's law:
   any simple idea will	be worded out in the most complicated way.
%%
 malinkowski's law:
   looking from	above, from our	high places of safety in the developed
   civilization, it is easy to see all the crudity and irrelevance
   of magic.
%%
 dean martin's definition of drunkenness:
   you're not drunk if you can lie in the floor	without	holding	on.
%%
 martin-berthelot principles:
   of all possible committee reactions to any given agenda item, the
   reaction that will occur is the one which will liberate the greatest
   amount of hot air.
%%
 match's axiom:
   a fool in a high station is like a man on the top of	a high mountain:
   everything appears small to him and he appears small	to everybody.
%%
 mathsch's law:
   it is better	to have	a horrible ending than to have horrors without
   end.
%%
 macclaughry's codicil on jone's motto:
   to make an enemy, do	someone	a favor.
%%
 macclaughry's law of zoning:
   where zoning	is not needed, it will work perfectly; where it	is
   desperately needed, it will always break down.
%%
 mcgoon's law:
   the probability of winning is inversely proportional	to the amount
   of the wager.
%%
 h. l. mencken's law:
   those who can -- do.
   those who cannot -- teach.
   those who cannot teach -- administrate. (martin's extension)
%%
 merrill's first corollary:
   there are no	winners	in life; only survivors.
%%
 merrill's second corollary:
   in the highway of life, the average happening is of about as	much
   true	significance as	a dead skunk in	the middle of the road.
%%
 michehl's theorem:
   less	is more.
%%
 pastore's comment on michel's theorem:
   nothing is ultimate.
%%
 miller's law:
   you can't tell how deep a puddle is until you step into it.
%%
 mobil's maxim:
   bad regulation begets worse regulation.
%%
 newton's little-known seventh law:
   a bird in the hand is safer than one	overhead.
%%
 oesmer's law:
   there is a tendency fro the person in the most powerful position in
   an organization to spend all	his time serving on committees and
   signing letters.
%%
 ordering principle:
   those supplies necessary for	yesterday's experiment must be ordered
   no later than tomorrow noon.
%%
 osborn's law:
   variables won't, constants aren't.
%%
 pardo's postulates:
   1)  anything	good is	either illegal,	immoral, or fattening.
   2)  the three faithful things in life are maney, a dog, and an old
       woman.
   3)  don't care if you're rich or not, as long as you	can live
       comfortably and have everything you want.
%%
 pareto's law (the 20/80 law):
   20% of the customers	account	for 80%	of the turnover, 20% of	the
   components account for 80% of the cost, and so forth.
%%
 parker's rule of parlimentary procedure:
   a moption to	adjurn is always in order.
%%
 parker's law of political statements:
   the truth of	a proposition has nothing to do	with its credibility
   and vice versa.
%%
 parkinson's first law:
   work	expands	to fill	the time available for its completion; the
   thing to be done swells in the perceived importance and complexity
   in a	direct ratio with the time to be spent in its completion.
%%
 parkinson's third law:
   if there is a way to	delay an important decision the	good
   bureaucracy,	public or private, will	find it.
%%
 parkinson's fourth law:
   the number of people	in any working group tends to increase
   regardless of the amount of work to be done.
%%
 pastore's truths:
   1)  even paranoids have enemies.
   2)  this job	is marginally better then daytime tv.
   3)  on alcohol: four	is one more than more than enough.
%%
 peckham's law:
   beauty times	brain equals constant.
%%
 peer's	law:
   the solution	to a problem changes the problem.
%%
 peter's corollaries:
   1)  incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.
   2)  the work	is accomplished	by those employees who have not	yet
       reached their level of incompetence.
   3)  if at first you don't succeed, try something else.
%%
 peter's inversion:
   internal consistency	is valued more highly than efficiency.
%%
 peter's paradox:
   employees in	a hierarchy do not really object to incompetence in
   their colleagues.
%%
 peter's perfect people	palliative:
   each	of us is a mixture of good qualities and some (perhaps)
   not-so-good qualities. in considering our fellow people we should
   remember their good qualities and realize that their	faults only
   prove that they are,	after all, human. we should refrain from
   making harsh	judgements of people just because they happen to be
   dirty, rotten, no-good sons-of-bitches.
%%
 peter's theorem:
   incompetence	plus incompetence equals incompetence.
%%
 potter's law:
   the amount of flak received on any subject is reversely proportional
   to the subject's true value.
%%
 productivity equation:
   the productivity, p,	of a group of people is:
	     p = n * t * (0.55 - 0.00005 * n * (n - 1))
   where n is the the number of	people in the group and	t is the number
   of hours in a work period.
%%
 professor gordon's rule of evolving bryographic systems:
   while bryographic plants are	typically encountered in substrata of
   earthy or mineral matter in concrete	state, discrete	substrata
   elements occasionally display a roughly spherical configuration
   which, in presence of suitable gravitational	and other effects,
   lends itself	to combined translatory	and rotational motion. one
   notices in such cases and and absence of the	otherwise typical
   accretion of	bryophyta. we therefore	conclude that a	rolling	stone
   gathers no moss.
%%
 pudder's law:
   anything that begins	well ends badly.
   anything that begins	badly ends worse.
%%
 puritan's law:
   evil	is live	spelled	backwards.
%%
 puritan's second law:
   if its good,	don't do it.
%%
 o's law:
   no matter what stage	of completion one reaches in a north sea (oil)
   field, the cost of the remainder of the project remains the same.
%%
 rangnekar's modified rules concerning decisions:
   1) if you must make a decision, delay it.
   2) if you can authorize someone else	to avoid a decision, do	so.
   3) if you can form a	commite, have them avoid the decision.
   4) if you can otherwise avoid a decision, avoid it immediately.
%%
 rayburn's rule:
   if you want to get along, go	along.
%%
 rudin's law:
   in a	crisis that forces a choice to be made among alternative courses
   of action, most people choose the worst one possible.
%%
 rule of accuracy:
   when	working	towards	the solution of	a problem
   it always helps if you know the answer.
%%
 sam's axiom:
   1) any line,	however	short, is still	too long.
   2) work is the crabgrass of life, but money is the water that keeps
   it green.
%%
 sattinger's law:
   it works better if you plug it in.
%%
 shalit's law:
   the intensity of movie publicity is in inverse ratio
   to the quality of the movie.
%%
 shanahan's law:
   the length of a meeting rises with the square of the	number
   of people present.
%%
 shaw's	principle:
   build a system that even a fool can use,
   and only a fool will	want to	use it.
%%
 simmon's law:
   the desire for ratial integration increases with the	square of
   the distance	from the actual	event.
%%
 simon's law:
   everything put together sooner or later fall	apart.
%%
 snafu equations:
   1) given any	problem	containing n equations,
      there will be n+1	unknowns.
   2) an object	or bit of informationmost needed, will be least	available.
   3) any device requiring service or adjustment will be least accessible.
   4) interchangable devices won't.
   5) in any human endeavor, once you have exhausted all possibilities
      and fail,	there will be one solution, simple and obvious,
      highly visible to	everyone else.
   6) badness comes in waves.
%%
 sociology's iron law of oligarchy:
   in any organized activity, no matter	the sphere, a small number
   will	become the oligarchical	leaders	and the	others will follow.
%%
 spare parts principle:
   the accessibility, during recovery of small parts which fall	from
   the work bench, varies directly with	the size of the	part and
   inversely with its importance to the	completion of the work underway.
%%
 steele's plagiarism of	somebody's philosophy:
   everyone should believe in somethink	---
   i believe i'll have another drink.
%%
 sturgeon's law:
   90 per cent of everything is	crude.
%%
 swipple rule of order:
   he who shouts loudest has the floor.
%%
 terman's law:
   there is no direct relationship between the quality of
   an educational program and its cost.
%%
 terman's law of innovation:
   if you want a track team to win the high jump you find one person
   who can jump	seven feet, not	seven people who can jump one foot.
%%
 theory	of the international society of	philosophic engineering:
   in any calculation, any error which can creep in will.
%%
 thoreau's law:
   if you see a	man approaching	with the obvious intent	of doing you
   good, run for your life.
%%
 transcription law:
   the number of errors	made is	equal to the number of 'squares'
   employed.
%%
 truman's law:
   if you cannot convince them,	confuse	them.
%%
 truths	of management:
  1) think before you act; it's	not your money.
  2) all good management is the	expression of one great	idea.
  3) no	executive devotes effort to proving himself wrong.
  4) cash in must exceed cash out.
  5) management	capability is always less then the organization
     actually needs.
  6) either an executive can do	his job	or he can't.
  7) if	sophisticated calculations are needed to justify an action
     don't do it.
  8) if	you are	doing something	wrong, you will	do it badly.
  9) if	you are	attempting the impossible, you will fail.
  10) the easiest way of making	money is to stop losing	it.
%%
 barber's laws of backpacking:
   1) the integral of the gravitational	potential taken	around any
      loop trail you choose to hike always comes out positive.
   2) any stone	in your	boot always migrate against the	pressure
      gradient to exactly the point of most pressure.
   3) the weight of your pack increases	in direct proportion to	the
      amount of	food you consume from it. if you run out of food,
      the pack weight goes on increasing anyway.
   4) the number of stones in your boot	is directly proportional
      to the number of hours you have been on the trail.
   5) the difficulty of	finding	any given trail	is marker is directly
      proportional to the inportance of	the consequences of failing
      to find it.
   6) the size of each of the stones in	your boot is directly
      proportional to the number of hours you have been	on the trail.
   7) the remaining distance to	your chosen campsite remains
      constant as twilight approaches.
   8) the net weight of	your boots is proportional to the cube of the
      number of	hours you have been on the trail.
   9) when you arrive at your chosen campsite, it is full.
   10) if you take your	boots off, you'll never	get them back on
      again.
   11) the local density of mosquitoes is inversely proportional to
      your remaining repellant.
%%
 in a plate of bacon and eggs, the pig was commited ,
 the chicken was involved.
%%
 it is considered poor judgement to attempt to traverse	a chasm
 in two	leaps.
%%
 the only constant thing in today's world is change.
%%
 an army narches on its	stomach, an enterprise on its data
%%
 nothing is ever so simple as it seems.
%%
 if you	fool around with a thing long enough, it will eventually break.
%%
 nothing ever quite works out.
%%
 if you	try to please everybody, someone is not	going to like it.
%%
 everything always costs more money then you have.
%%
 whatever you want to do, you have to do something else	first.
%%
 if you	throw something	away, you'll need it.
%%
 things	get really dangerous when idiots become	enterprising.
%%
 no one	is useless - one can always serve as a bad example.
%%
 he who	works hard, makes mistakes.
 he who	doesn't	work, doesn't make mistakes.
 he who	doesn't	make mistakes gets promoted.
%%
 in our	organization, everyone can become what he wishes -
 whether he wishes it or not.
%%
 when you are up to your fanny in alligators, it is difficult to
 remind	yourself that your initial objective was to drain the swamp.
%%
 when your pants are falling, hang on to your underpants.
%%
 a camel is a horse designed by	a committee.
%%
 show me a home	where the buffalo roam and i'll	show you a house
 full of shit.
%%
 the problem with any unwritten	law is that you	don't know where to
 go to erase it.
%%
 confession is good for	the soul, but bad for your career.
%%
 the concept seems to be clear by now. it has been defined several
 times by examples of what it is not.
%%
 every interesting program has at least	one variable, one branch, and
 one loop ...
	  ... and at least one bug!
%%
 counting in binary is just like counting in decimal if	you are	all
 thumbs.
%%
 mathematicians	are like frenchmen: whatever you say to	them they
 translate into	their own language and forthwith it is something
 entirely different.
						    goethe
%%
 for the man who has everything... penicillin.
%%
 symbolic logic	has been disowned by many logicians on the plea	that
 its interest is mathematical, and by many mathematicians on the plea
 that its interest is logical.
%%
 if and	only if	you can	prove 'p if and	only if	q', q is a called
 a necessary and sufficient condition for p.
%%
 to iterate is human; to recurse, divine.
%%
 today's alchemists believe in glass-discs, perceptrons, photoscopic
 stores, and project lavi.
%%
 there are no foolish questions, and no	man becomes a fool until
 he has	stopped	asking questions.
%%
 in spite of recent progress in	scince,	the depths of human imbecility
 have not yet been plumbed.
%%
 one picture is	worth a	thousand reels of tape.
%%
 one picture worths 1k words.
%%
 i see some wires that are missing!
%%
 the trapdoors to failure outnumber the	shortcuts to success.
%%
 subtlety is the art of	saying what you	think, and getting out of the
 way before it is understood.
%%
 compatible designs are	based upon compatible goals agreed to by
 compatible people.
%%
 remember, the best ideas originate in the u.s.; other people have to
 think and talk	in foreign language. this gives	you a tremendous
 technical edge.
%%
 the road to hell is paved with	nand gates.
%%
 i know	you believe you	understand what	you think i said,
 but i'm not sure you realize that what	you heard is not what i	meant.
%%
 logical methods, at best, rearrange the way in	which personal bias
 is to be introduced into the problem.
%%
 no problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from	it.
%%
 to the	systems	programmer, the	customers and users serve only to
 provide a test	load.
%%
 don't sweat on	it! it's just 1's and 0's!
%%
 the reasonable	man adapts himself to the world;
 the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
 therefore all progress	depends	on unreasonable	man.
						    j. b. shaw
%%
 a wise	man can	see more from a	mountain top
 than a	fool from the bottom of	a well.
%%
 a plucked goose doesn't lay golden eggs.
%%
 a  lie	in time	saves nine.
%%
 a  king's castle is his home.
%%
 one family builds a wall, two families	enjoy it.
%%
 when you go out to buy, don't show your silver.
%%
 if you	continually give, you will continually have.
%%
 your nature demands love and your happiness depends on	it.
%%
 you are always	busy.
%%
 by following the good,	you learn to be	good.
%%
 to save a single life is better than to build a seven story pagoda.
%%
 to give happiness is to deserve happiness.
%%
 a lost	ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time-never.
%%
 the only rose without thorns is friendship.
%%
 to do is to be	- nietzsche
 to be is to do	- sartre
 do be do be do	- sinatra
%%
 if you	wish to	succeed, consult three old people.
%%
 draw your salary before spending it.
%%
 the light of a	hundred	stars does not equal the light of the moon.
%%
 marriage is the only adventure	open to	the cowardly.
						      voltaire
%%
 the wise shepherd never trusts	his flock to a smiling wolf.
%%
 the rich get rich, the	poor get poorer.
 the haves get more, the have-nots die.
%%
 man and wife make one fool.
%%
 lonely	men seek companionship.
 lonely	women sit at home and wait.
 they never meet.
%%
 ehpl !	imat arppdei sndi eht ebm-i81
%%
 18-mbi	eht edisni deppart ma i	! pleh
%%
 he who	is good	for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.
%%
 he who	falls in love with himself will	have no	rivals.
%%
 he is truly wise who gains wisdom from	another's mishap.
%%
 happiness is just an illusion filled with sadness and confusion.
%%
 for people who	like that kind of book,
 that is the kind of book they will like.
%%
 far duller than a serpent's tooth it is to spend a quiet youth.
%%
 everything bounds to success, even grammer.
%%
 everyone complains of his memory, no one of his judgement.
%%
 even the boldest zebra	fear the hungry	lion.
%%
 conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the
 school	of genius.
%%
 by failing to prepare,	you are	preapairing to fail.
%%
 behind	every argument is someone's ignorance.
%%
 you cannot kill time without injuring eternity.
%%
 worth seeing? yes, but	not worth going	to see.
%%
 words must be weighed,	not counted.
%%
 with clothes the new are best,	with friends the old are best.
%%
 why did the lord give us so much quickness of movement
 unless	it was to avoid	responsibility.
%%
 whenever i feel like exercise,	i lie down until the feeling passes.
%%
 when you become used to never being alone, you	may consider
 yourself americanized.
%%
 when the wind is great, bow before it;
 when the wind is heavy, yield to it.
%%
 when god endowed human	beings with brains, he did not intend to
 guarantee them.
%%
 what this country needs is a dime that	will buy a good	five-cent bagel.
%%
 what orators lack in depth they make up in length.
%%
 what makes us so bitter against people	who outwit us
 is that they think themselves cleverer.
%%
 we read to say	that we	have read.
%%
 we promise according to our hopes,
 and performing	accordind to our fears.
%%
 we prefare to speak evil of ourselves
 than not speaking of ourselves	at all.
%%
 massachusetts has the best politicians	money can buy.
%%
 to refuse praise is to	seek praise twice.
%%
 to laugh at men of sense is the previlege of fools.
%%
 to keep your friends, treat them kindly;
 to kill them, treat them often.
%%
 to criticize the incompetent is easy;
 it is more difficult to criticize the competent.
%%
 this account will self	destruct in five minutes.
%%
 there's one fool at least in every married couple.
%%
 there is no fear in love, but perfect love casteth out	fear.
%%
 there are three things	i have always loved and	never understood-
 art, music and	women.
%%
 there are more	ways of	killing	a cat than choking her with cream.
%%
 there are more	drunkards than old doctors.
%%
 the world is an 8000 mile in diameter spherical pile of dirt.
%%
 the star of riches is shining upon you.
%%
 the plural of spouse is spice.
%%
 the minute a man is convinced that he is interesting, he is not.
%%
 the gent who wakes up and finds himself a success
 hasn't	been asleep.
%%
 the first thing i do in the morning is	brush my teeth
 and sharpen my	tongue.
%%
 the days just prior to	amrriage are like a snappy introduction
 to a tedious book.
%%
 the best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.
%%
 the best prophet of the future	is the past.
%%
 the attacker must vanquish; the defender need only survive.
%%
 take care of the luxuries
 and the necessities will take care of themselves.
%%
 stop searching	forever! happiness is unattainable.
%%
 stop searching	forever! happiness is just next	to you.
%%
 standing on head makes	smile of frown,	but rest of face also upside down.
%%
 some rise by sin and some by virtue fall.
%%
 some men are discovered; others are found out.
%%
 sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits	them all.
%%
 reputation is what others are not thinking about you.
%%
 put your brain	in gear	before starting	your mouth.
%%
 put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust.
%%
 preserve the old, but know the	new.
%%
 people	will buy anything that's one to	a customer.
%%
 people	who have no faults are terrible; there is no way
 of taking advantage of	them.
%%
 only someone with nothing to be sorry for
 smiles	back at	the rear of an elephant.
%%
 often statistics are used as a	drunken	man uses lampposts -
 for support rather than illumination.
%%
 of all	forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal.
%%
 money can say more in one moment than the most	eloquent lover can in years.
%%
 money can buy friendship, but money cannot buy	love.
%%
 money cannot buy love,	nor even friendship.
%%
 mistakes are oft the stepping stones to failure.
%%
 misery	loves company, but company does	not reciprocate.
%%
 what we think,	or what	we know, or what we believe is,	in the end,
 of little consequence.	the only consequence is	what we	do.
						john rushin
%%
 nothing adds to a person's leisure time like doing things when	they
 are supposed to be done.
						o. a. battista
%%
 all life is an	experiment. the	more experiments you make- the better.
						r. w. emerson
%%
 even if you are on the	right track, you'll get	run over if you
 just sit there.
						will rogers
%%
 you can't think and hit at the	same time.
						yogi berra
%%
 life cannot wait until	the sciences may have explained	the universe
 scientifically. we cannot put off living until	we are ready. the
 most salient characteristic of	life is	its coersiveness: it is	always
 urgent, 'here and now'	without	any possible postponement. life	is
 fired at us point blank.
						j. o. y. gasset
%%
 man is	born to	live and not to	prepare	to live.
						borice pasternak
%%
 it takes a person who is wide awake to	make his dreams	come true.
						roger babson
%%
 discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen
		 and thinking what nobody has thought.
						albert szent-gyorgyi
%%
 the important thing in	life is	to have	a great	aim and	to possess
 the aptitude and the perseverance to attain it.
						goethe
%%
 go confidently	in the direction of your dreams.
 live the life you had imagined.
						h. d. thoreau
%%
 to live is the	rearest	thing in the world.
 most people exist, that's all.
						oscar wilde
%%
 great minds have purposes; others have	wishes.
						washington irving
%%
 as i grow older, i pay	less attention to what men say.
 i just	watch what they	do.
						andrew carnegie
%%
 let me	tell you the secret that has led me to my goal.	my strength
 lies solely in	my tenacity.
						louis pasteur
%%
 we shall either find a	way or make one.
						hannibal
%%
 you will become as small as your controlling desire;
 as great as your dominant aspiration.
						james allen
%%
 when men are arrived at the goal, they	should not turn	back.
						plotarch
%%
 lord, grunt that i may	always desire more then	i can accomplish.
						michaelangelo
%%
 no nobel thing	can be done without risks.
						montaigne
%%
 climate is what we expect, wheather is	what we	get !
						robert a. heinlein
%%
 the single biggest time-waster	in the world is	not completting
 what you start.
						john garner
%%
 let us	endevour so to live that when we come to die,
 even the undertaker will be sorry.
						mark twain
%%
 notice	the difference between what happens to a man who says to himself,
 'i have failed	three times',
 and what happens when he says,	'i am a	failure'.
						s. i. hayakawa
%%
 every great and commending moment in the annals of the	world,
 is the	triumph	of some	enthusiasm.
						r. w. emerson
%%
 when schemes are laid in advance, it is surprising how	often
 the circumstances fit in with them.
						w. osler
%%
 power undirected by high-purpose spells calamity;
 and high-purpose by itself is utterly useless if the power to put it
 into a	fact is	lacking.
						t. roosevelt
%%
 the great end of life is not knowledge	but action.
						t. h. huxley
%%
 life spent in making mistakes is not only more	honourable
 but more useful then a	life spent in doing nothing.
						j. b. shaw
%%
 when written in chinese, the word 'crisys' is composed	of two characters-
 one represent 'danger'	and the	other represents 'opportunity'.
						j. f. kennedy
%%
 whatever you can do, or dream you can,	begin it.
 boldness has genius, power and	magic in it.
						goethe
%%
 there are obviously two educations.
 the one should	teach us how to	make a living,
 and the other how to live.
						j. t. adams
%%
 judge a man by	his questions rather than by his answers.
						voltaire
%%
 the important thing is	not to stop questioning.
						einstein
%%
 every composer	knows the anguish and despair occasioned by forgetting
 ideas which one has not time to write down.
						victor hugo
%%
 thinking is the talking of the	soul with itself.
						plato
%%
 chance	favors the prepared mind.
						louis pasteur
%%
 two percent of	the people make	things happen.
 three percent of the people watch things happen.
 ninety-five percent of	the people wonder what happened.
%%
 learn from yesterday...
   live	for today...
     look to tomorrow...
       rest this afternoon...!
						snoopy
%%
 security is having an extra pair of dry socks in the winter.
						linus
%%
 what you resist - persists.
						pat grove
%%
 he who	can	     - does.
 he who	cannot do    - teaches.
 he who	cannot teach - manages.
%%
 ink:
    a villanious compound of tannogalate of iron, gum-arabic and water
    chiefly used to facilitate the infection of	idiocy and promote
    intellectual crime.
%%
 kleptomaniac:
    a rich thief.
%%
 labour:
    one	of the processes by which a acquires property for b.
%%
 liar:
    a lawyer with a roving commission.
%%
 major premise:	sixty men can do a piece of work sixty time as quickly
		as one man.
 minor premise:	one man	can dig	a posthole in sixty seconds.
 conclusion   :	sixty men can dig a posthole in	one second.
%%
 mad:
    affected with a high degree	of intellectual	independence.
%%
 november:
    the	eleventh twelfth of a weariness.
%%
 once, adv.:
    enough.
%%
 positive:
    mistaken at	the top	of one's voice.
%%
 it has	just been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
%%
  sex is not the answer, sex is	the question.  "yes" is	the answer .
%%
 a dentist is who putting metal	in one"s mouth and pulls coins
 out of	one"s pocket.
%%
 the sum of the	intelligance on	this planet is constant; the
 population is growing.
%%
 politicians do	it to everyone.
%%
 statisticians do it with 95% confidence.
%%
 bankers do it with interest (penalty for early	withdrawal).
%%
 the father, the son and the holy ghost	would never throw the devil
 out of	heaven as long as they still need him as a fourth for bridge.
%%
 god gives us relatives; thank goodness	we can choose our friends.
%%
 test makers do	it sometimes/always/never.
%%
 mathematicians	do it in theory.
%%
 hugh hefner is	a virgin !
%%
 coward	: one who in a perilous	emergency thinks with his legs.
%%
 it is much easier to suggest solutions
 when you don't	know nothing about the problem.
%%
 enzymes are things invented by	biologists that	explain	things which
 otherwise require harder thinking.
						jerome lettvin
%%
 idiot : a member of a large and powerful tribe	whose influence
	 in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling.
%%
 conway's law:
   in any organization there will always be one	person who know
   what	is going on.
   this	person must be fired.
%%
 harris' lament:
   all the good	ones are taken.
%%
 it is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
%%
 it is nice to be important, but it is more important to be nice.
%%
 a raisin is a sad grape ...
%%
 if nobody is perfect -	then i must be nobody.
%%_
 god loves you!	which proves he	has a great sence of humor !!!
%%_
 if you	can't beat it .........	 smash it.
%%_
 please	don't give me advice - i prefer	to make	my own mistakes!
%%_
 t h i n k   - it may be a new experience.
%%_
 i think  -  therefore i am confused !
%%_
 when things go	wrong -	as they	usually	will ,
 and your daily	road seems all up-hill ,
 when founds are low , and debts are high ,
 when you try to smile - but can only cry ,
 and you nearly	think ,	you'd like to quit -
 don't run to me ........ i don't give a shit.
%%_
 when you argue	with a fool ,
    make sure he doesn't do the	same !
%%_
 god made us all human - but not everyone could	keep this form.
%%_
 on the	rear window of mini - minor car	:
	      when i grow up ,
		 i want	to be a	mercedes.
%%_
 on the	rear window of mini - minor car	:
       my other	car is cadilak.
%%_
 i want	to be now , what i've been then	,
 when i	wanted to be , what i'm	now.
%%_
 work is not a rabbit .	it wo'nt run . you can sit !
%%_
 hard work never harmed	anyone.
    but	why should we take the chance ?
%%_
 when i'm right	- no one remembers.
 when i'm wrong	- no one forgets.
%%_
 your chances to meet a	young attractive girl grow proportionally
 when
  1) you go with your wife
  2) you go with your date
  3) you go with a richer and more handsome male friend
%%_
 when all attempts failed - read instruction manual.
%%_
 a friend in need is a friend indeed.
%%_
  what's the difference	between	a lady and a politician	?
  when a lady says 'no'	she means 'maybe'
  when a lady says 'maybe' she means 'yes'
  when a lady says 'yes' she is	not a lady any more
  when a politician says 'yes' he means	'maybe'
  when a politician says 'maybe' he means 'no'
  when a politician says 'no' he is not	a politician any more.
%%_
  god's	last name isn't	damn it
%%_
  do not worry america -
	   israel is behind you.
%%_
 bold is beautiful -
  god made so many perfect heads . the others he covered with hair.
%%_
 he who	works -	makes mistakes.	avoid mistaking.
%%_
 laughter makes	you fat, and than you stop laughing !
%%_
 if people who do not understand each other understand at least	that
 they do not understand	each other, they do understand each other more
 than the times	when not understanding each other they do not even
 understand that they do not understand	each other.
%%_
 a synonym-a word you use when you don't know how to pronounce the other.
%%_
 eat a live toad first thing in	the morning,
 and nothing worse can happen to you the rest of the day !
%%_
 i am my grandfather!
 i have	married	a widow	who has	a daughter. my father fall in love with
 my step-daughter and married her. so my father	became my son-in-law
 and my	step-daughter became my	step-mother, because she had married my
 father. my wife has gave ne a child, who became my father's brother-in-
 law and also his uncle, being the brother of my step-mother, who is my
 daughter. in addition,	my father's wife (who is my daughter) had a son,
 who is	my brother (because he is my father's son) and my grandson
 (being	my daughter's son). hence, my wife is also my grandmother, and
 i have	become a ahusband and grandson to my wife. and being grandmother's
 husband a grandfather,	i have become my grandfather.
%%_
 i have	prolonged my letter since i had	no time	to shorten it.
						   b. pascal
%%_
 wise is the man who introduced	first the idea of god.
						   eurephides
%%_
 it is not an easy job to sleep. you must be awake all day for it.
						   nitsche
%%_
 i have	often been sorry for things i have said,
 but never for keeping my mouth	shut.
%%_
 to succeed in life, a man must	be wise	but look like a	fool.
						   monteskie
%%_
 man is	a crazy	creature; it can create	not a single worm,
 and yet he creates dozens of gods.
						   montaigne
%%_
 god will forgive me. it is his	job.
						   heine
%%_
 silence is a novel talking artistry.
%%_
 talk to a person about	himself, and he	will listen to you for hours.
						   disraeli
%%_
 i must	admit that your	work is	original and good.
 but the good part is not original and the original part is not	good...
						   samuel johnson
%%_
 we start counting man's years only when there's nothing else countable
 about him.
						   r. w. emerson
%%_
 blessed be the	one, who, when having nothing to say, avoids proving
 that in words.
						   g. eliot
%%_
 a sharp tongue	is the only tool that sharpens as it is	used.
						   w. irving
%%_
 love -	a selfish deed done in twosome.
%%_
 thieves demand	your money or your life.
 women demand them both.
%%_
 for women anything is the heart...
 ...including the head.
%%_
 do not	speak evil of yourselves! your friends would do	it better.
%%_
 what is awfully tiny and glittering?
				     (an ant with a gold-tooth)
%%_
 what is blue and flying in the	sky?
				     (a	bird wearing trainig-suit)
%%_
 what is green and running awfully fast?
				     (an ambitious cucumber)
%%_
 rugby is a game played	by men with peculiarly shaped balls.
						william	webb ellis
%%
 a man was told	by his doctor: "you are	going to make medical history,
 you are the only male ever recorded who has become pregnant."
 the man replied: "this	is terrible, whatever will the neighbours say,
 i'm not even married."
%%
 an old	lady went to the doctor	because	she was	constipated.
 "well,	d'you do anything about	it?" he	enquired.
 "of course i do, doctor, i sit	there for hours."
 "no, no, mrs. bloggs, i mean, do you take anything?"
 "oh yes, doctor, i takes me knitting."
%%
 the school doctor was examining a girl	of goodly proportions, and,
 taking	up his stethoscope, said:
 "big breaths."
 "yeth," said the girl,	"and i'm not thixteen yet."
%%
 a woman went to the doctor and	complained she couldn't	get passionate.
 the doctor examined her, and told her that if she would follow	his
 special diet she would	get very randy.	this was agreed, but after
 a few weeks she was back, and said:
  "there's something gone wrong! last night i got so passionate
   i chewed my boyfriend's ear off."
  "oh, don't worry about that trifle,
			      it's only	protein, no carbohydrates."
%%
 two harley street men were talking of professional difficulties.
 said one who was specialist in	beauty treatment for rich women:
 "you can't win, i warned lady mucke against having so many facelifts,
  but she would	go on, and now she's suing me!"
 "really, what's the matter?"
 "she's	got a beard."
%%
 a man came to the surgery covered with	blood and bruises.
 ..."what's the	matter?" said the doctor.
    "it's my wife - another of her nightmares!"
    "don't talk	daft man! she might have kicked	you,
     but not these injuries..."
    "listen doc, she had one of	her nightmares,	she shouted out:
     'get out quick, my	husband's coming home' and me being only half
     awake, naturally, i jumped	straight out of	the window."
%%
 an innocent young woman told her doctor she was not feeling at	all
 well lately.
   after examination, the doctor told her she was pregnant...
   "but	that's impossible, i've	never been with	a man!"
 the doctor patiently explained	the facts of life to her in some detail.
   "well!" she said, "and that lousy first aid instructor told me
    it was artificial respiration."
%%
 a man went into his club leading a snake on a string.
  the barman took a poor view of this, and fetched the secretary,
 who said:
  "hey,	is that	snake poisonous?"
  "yes."
  "then	what happens if	he bites one of	the members?"
  "oh that's no	trouble, he just gets a	friend to suck the wound."
  "suppose he gets bitten up the backside?"
  "that's when he finds	out who	his friends are!"
%%
 computer:
   never before	in history has man created a machine that can make
   so many mistakes so rapidly and with	such competence.
%%
 program:
   a set of sentences with a bug.
%%
 programmer:
   red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of	conversing with	inanimate
   monsters.
%%
 bit:
   the increment by which programmers slowly go	mad.
%%
 chaining:
   a method of attaching programmers to	desks to speed up output.
%%
 checkpoint:
   the location	from which a programmer	draws his salary.
%%
 common	language:
   the first thing a programmer	must forget to be successful.
%%
 low order position:
   the programmer's location in	the chain of command.
%%
 special character:
   a character which is	out of the ordinary, different;
   a resident of greenwich village.
%%
 error:
   what	someone	else has made when they	disagree with your
   computer output.
%%
 logical operation:
   getting out of data processing to marry a rich widow.
%%
 parameter:
   the absolute	limit beyond which the secretary yells for help.
%%
 pass:
   what	one makes at the secretary.
%%
 fixed word:
   four	letter words used by programmers in a state of confusion.
%%
 floating control:
   a characteristic exhibited when you have to go to the rest-room
   but can't leave the computer.
%%
 floating point:
 the absolute limit before floating control is lost.
%%
 arithmetical shift:
   preferred apparel of	female mathematicians.
%%
 mathematical model:
   42 -	26 - 38
%%
 mathematical check:
   remuneration	received by a mathematical model.
%%
 access	time:
   the time between the	instant	at which information is	called for
   and the instant at which management expects the final report.
%%
 block diagram:
   schematic gibberish.
%%
 flow chart:
   a graphic representation of the fastest route to the	coffee machine.
%%
 branch	instraction:
   advice from a district office.
%%
 input:
   food, whiskey, beer,	aspirin, etc...
%%
 internal sort:
   the stomach,	liver and kidneys keep changing	position.
%%
 library:
   an organized	collection of obsolete material.
%%
 complement:
   an antique, outdated	form of	speech
   once	used to	express	appreciation.
%%
 debugging:
   removing the	needless from the haystack.
%%
 core storage:
   a receptacle	for the	center section of apples.
%%
 external storage:
   waste basket.
%%
 counter:
   a device over which martinis	are served.
%%
 housekeeping:
   letting the next person clean up your mess in the computer area.
%%
 macro:
   the last half of an expression of surprise. for example:
   "holy macro!".
%%
 memory	dump:
   amnesia.
%%
 microsecond:
   the amount of time needed for a program to hang up.
%%
 assumed decimal point:
   located two positions to the	right of a programmer's	current	salary
   in estimating his own worth.
%%
 on-line:
   full, but not drunk.
 off-line:
   failure to pass the sobriety	test.
 overflow:
   result of being too much off-line.
%%
 the ten commands:
   1.  i am the	program	of highest priority.
       thou shalt have none in core before me.
   2.  thou shalt not create graven simulations.
   3.  remember	thy down time and keep record of it wholly.
   4.  honor thy interrupt and priority.
   5.  thou shalt not kill the system.
   6.  thou shalt not steal cycles.
   7.  thou shalt not commit swapping.
   8.  thou shalt not take my main in vain.
   9.  thou shalt not bear false passwords against thy neighbour's data.
   10. thou shalt not covet thy	neighbour's os,	nor his	asp, nor
       his burroughs nor his baud.
%%
 the manager's repertory; or, how to stifle creative thinking:
   - we	have never done	it that	way before ...
   - it	won't work ...
   - we	haven't	the time ...
   - we	haven't	the manpower ...
   - it's not in the budget ...
   - we	have tried that	before ...
   - we	are not	ready for it yet ...
   - all right in theory but can you put it in practice	...
   - somebody would have suggested it before if	it were	any good ...
   - too modern	...
   - too old-fashioned ...
   - let's discuss it some other time ...
   - you don't understand our problem ...
   - we	are too	small for that ...
   - we	are too	big for	that ...
   - we	have too many projects now ...
   - let's make	a market research test first ...
   - it	has been the sane for twenty years so it must be good ...
   - i just know it won't work ...
   - let's form	a committee ...
   - let's think it over for a while and watch the developements ...
   - that's not	our problem ...
   - they'll think we are long-haired ...
   - it	won't work in my territory ...
   - customers won't stand for it ...
   - why something new now? out	sales are still	going up ...
   - let's wait	and see	...
   - here we go	again ...
   - let's put it in writing ...
   - i don't see the connection	...
   - we	can't do it under the regulations ...
   - political dynamite	...
   - sounds good but i don't think it will work	...
   - it's not in the plan ...
   - no	regulations covering it	...
   - we've never used that approach before ...
   - it's not in the manual ...
   - it'll mean	more work ...
   - it's not our responsibility ...
   - it	will increase overhead ...
   - it	won't pan out ...
   - our people	won't accept it	...
   - it's too early ...
   - it's too late ...
%%
 the seven phases of a project:
   1. enthusiasm
   2. disillusionment
   3. destruction of useful documentation
   4. search for the guilty
   5. punishment of the	innocent
   6. promotion	of the incompetent
   7. panic
%%
 the fifteen laws of project management:
  1. you cannot	produce	a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.
  2. the same work under the same conditions will be estimated
     differently by ten	different estimators or	by one estimator at
     ten different times.
  3. the most valuable and least used word in a	project-manager's
     vocabulary	is "no".
  4. you can con a sucker into committing an unreasonable dead-line,
     but you can't bully him into meeting it.
  5. the more ridiculous the deadline, the more	it costs to try
     and meet it.
  6. the more desperate	the situation, the more	optimistic the situatee.
  7. too few people on a project can't solve the problem;
     too many create more problems then	they solve.
  8. you can freeze the	user's specs, but he won't stop	executing.
  9. frozen specs and the abominable snowman are alike;	they are both
     myths and they both melt when sufficient heat is applied.
  10.the conditions attached to	a promise are forgotten	and the	promise
     is	remembered.
  11.what you don't know will hurt you.
  12.a user will tell you anything you ask about, nothing more.
  13.of	several	possible interpretations of a communication, the least
     convenient	one is the only	correct	one.
  14.what is not on paper has not been said.
  15.parkinson and murphy are alive and	well - in your project.
%%
 so much of what we call management consists of	making it difficult
 for people to work.
%%
 management says the first job of the supervisor is human relations.
 but when promotion time comes they promote the	fellow who puts	in his
 paperwork.
%%
 if a manager spends more then ten percent of his time on
 "human	relations" the group is	probably too large.
%%
 the main impact of the	computer has been the provision	of unlimited
 jobs for clerks.
%%
 the only things that evolve by	themselves in an organization are
 disorder, friction and	malperformance.
%%
 growth	that adds volume without improving productivity	is fat.
 growth	that diminishes	productivity is	cancer.
%%
 reorganization	is surgery. one	doesn't	just cut.
%%
 when you have 186 objectives nothing gets done.
%%
 long range planning does not deal with	future decisions,
 but with the futurity of present decisions.
%%
 strong	people always have strong weaknesses.
%%
 many believe that if people are sufficiently poor and live in
 sufficiently horrible conditions, they	become honest.
%%
 years ago working people saw themselves as part of a group -
 the working class. today the worker on	the assembly line sees
 himself as a reject.
%%
 in all	recorded history there has not been one	economist who had to
 worry about where the next meal would come from.
%%
 a considerable	amount of monotony is necessary	and certainly good
 for the great majority	of men.
%%
 project slightly behind original schedule due to unforseen
 difficulties.
 (we are working on something else.)
%%
 the designs are well within available limits.
 (we just made it, stretching a	point or two.)
%%
 close project coordination.
 (we should have asked someone else - or: let's	spread the
  responsibility for this.)
%%
 customer satisfaction is believed assured.
 (we were so far behind	schedule that the customer was happy to	get
  anything at all from us.)
%%
 the design will be finalized in the next reporting period.
 (we haven't started this job yet but we have got to say something.)
%%
 a number of different approaches are being tried.
 (we don't know	where we are going but we are moving.)
%%
 preliminary operational tests are inconclusive.
 (the darn thing just blew up when we threw the	switch.)
%%
 extensive effort is being applied on a	fresh approach to the problem.
 (we just hired	three new guys;	we'll let them kick it around for
  a while.)
%%
 test results were extremely gratifying.
 (it works and we are surprised.)
%%
 the entire concept will have to be abandoned.
 (the only guy who ever	understood the thing quit.)
%%
 modifications are underway to correct certain minor difficulties.
 (we threw the whole thing out and are starting	from scratch.)
%%
 a meeting has been scheduled with our customer	representatives.
 (we are running out of	money.)
%%
 the study has opened up new avenues of	activity not previously
 contemplated.
 (we already ran out of	money; how about another six month on that
  gravy	train?)
%%
 major technological breakthrough.
 (back to the drawing board.)
%%
 developed after years of intensive research.
 (it was discovered by accident.)
%%
 "the hebrews do it backwards, which is	positively frightening."
		 lerner	and loewe on stack machines
%%
 "i do not choose to run."
		 calvine coolidge on behalf of the tss
%%
 "it was the best of times and it was the worst	of times."
		 charles dickens on benchmarks
%%
 "there's a sucker born	any minute."
		 p. i. barnum on behalf	of the 3790
%%
 "nuts!"
		 general anthony mcauliffe on apl users
%%
 "the sun, which passeth through pollutions, and itself	remains	as pure
  as before."
		 francis bacon on ibm
%%
 "winning isn't	everything, it's the only thing."
		 vince lombardi	on antitrust suits
%%
 "you want more?"
		 charles dickens on paging
%%
 richard m. nixon on data-bases:
   "let	me make	this perfectly clear: when bidirectional virtual is
    specified for the physical parent of a logical child which is
    virtually paired, it causes	the physical parent segment to be
    deleted when the last active physical child	is also	a logical child
    which is virtually paired is deleted."
%%
 marquis de sade on data-bases:
    "i strongly	recommend the use of chains."
%%
 euclid	on data-bases:
    "a flat file is not	a list of apartments."
%%
 harold	robbins	on data-bases:
    "a flat file needs padded records."
%%
 faith begora on data-bases:
    "a lexicon is a small irish	dictionary."
%%
 fanny hill on data-bases:
    "telecommunications	is baudy."
%%
 sdd song center on data-bases:
    "on	a clear	disk you can seek forever."
%%
 u.s. census bureau on data-bases:
    "hollerith got us into this	hole mess."
%%
 the john birch	society	on data-bases:
    "it	is unnatural for parents to have virtual logical children."
%%
 sigmund freud on data-bases:
    "a virtual data-base is a segment of your imagination."
%%
 eugene	o'neull	on data-bases:
    "a checkpoint runs a long day's journal into night."