Quartz sync: Jan 7, 2024, 5:16 PM

.github/workflows/deploy.yml

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+name: Deploy Quartz site to GitHub Pages
+
+on:
+  push:
+    branches:
+      - v4
+
+permissions:
+  contents: read
+  pages: write
+  id-token: write
+
+concurrency:
+  group: "pages"
+  cancel-in-progress: false
+
+jobs:
+  build:
+    runs-on: ubuntu-22.04
+    steps:
+      - uses: actions/checkout@v3
+        with:
+          fetch-depth: 0 # Fetch all history for git info
+      - uses: actions/setup-node@v3
+        with:
+          node-version: 18.14
+      - name: Install Dependencies
+        run: npm ci
+      - name: Build Quartz
+        run: npx quartz build
+      - name: Upload artifact
+        uses: actions/upload-pages-artifact@v2
+        with:
+          path: public
+
+  deploy:
+    needs: build
+    environment:
+      name: github-pages
+      url: ${{ steps.deployment.outputs.page_url }}
+    runs-on: ubuntu-latest
+    steps:
+      - name: Deploy to GitHub Pages
+        id: deployment
+        uses: actions/deploy-pages@v2

content/Art/Pixel Art Methods.md

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+Our recent success in art has been thanks to the following:
+
+**Measurement:** By precisely measuring proportions, positions, and angles on our references, our shape accuracy has gotten astronomically better.
+
+**Pixel Art Aesthetic:** This art style is simple and allows for easy trial and error, as well as hiding mistakes and making simpler details, shading, and colors acceptable.
+
+**Dithering:** Dithering allows for partial shading in a restricted color palette. By making sparing use of this technique, our art has been made a bit better.
+
+**Bezier Curves:** By using Bezier curves instead of freehanding, we're able to draw curves much more precisely.
+
+**Modern Image Software:** Image software just make art easier than pencil in paper. Things like zooming in, managing layers, etc make a huge difference.

content/Art/works/Sprigatito.md

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+This is the first good art I've made! People I shared it with seemed to like it a lot.
+
+I love cats, Pokémon, and [[Loving Cuteness|cuteness]], so it's no wonder why I adore Sprigatito. It's my favorite Pokémon.
+
+I fell in love with his 3D model in Pokémon Scarlet and Violet because he always had such a dopey cross-eyed expression, so I tried to incorporate that into my design a little bit.
+
+Since I made it out of a bunch of smaller parts, I might create [[Project Zinc|Zinc]] to animate it.
+Having him move his head down, causing his whiskers and ears to shake, while he closes its eyes and opens his mouth in a smile would be an adorable animation.
+
+I was able to do so well because I tried some [[Pixel Art Methods|new strategies]]. They really paid off!
+
+I'm really happy that I drew Sprigatito; I feel like I was able to capture and exaggerate the details I personally adore, and the result is that I love what I have created. I feel a personal connection with this and it feels like a souvenir, an emblem of a cherished part of my life.
+
+![[sprigatito-base-large.png]]

content/Health/Being the Zebra.md

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+I heard that an oft-repeated phrase in medicine is:
+
+> When you hear the sound of hooves, think horses, not zebras.
+
+Effectively, this means that doctors should expect more common medical conditions before considering rare ones.
+
+Fine in theory. This would work for most people.
+
+But what becomes of the zebras?
+
+Doctors probably don't see rare conditions very often, hence the label. I would expect that their intuition for diagnosing common conditions is stronger than for rare ones since the former gets used way more often. This is great... if you're a horse.
+
+I suspect that this is the primary reason why the medical system has thus far failed to diagnose my [[The Disease|disease]]. Doctors try to explain my symptoms using those common diagnoses, but there's always missing context, unexplained symptoms, and something that doesn't quite add up.
+
+## Small-Fiber Neuropathy
+
+After the November 2021 [[Flare-Ups|flare-up]], I had constant pain covering my entire body. Desperate for answers, I eventually got seen by a neurologist. He diagnosed me with small-fiber neuropathy, a condition where damage to the small-fiber peripheral nerves were damaged. This did not appear to explain why there was pain in my face and on my eyes, nor the progression of the condition.
+
+One day, there was a dull pain in the back of my eyes and my vision suddenly blurred, and nothing I did made it go away. Periodically, the blur would fade in and out, until it stopped. Later that day, I noticed that my vision had gotten darker. It never recovered. This appeared to very closely match the description for optic neuritis. This was very interesting, because it strongly pointed to an autoimmune nervous system disease like multiple sclerosis, something I had already theorized before.
+
+I tried to be subtle when talking to doctors, floating bits and pieces of my theory to them to see if they would consider it. I never told them the full theory, because I knew they would dismiss it as self-diagnosis and probably be biased *against* investigating it. This consideration did not happen. The neurologist said the symptom "didn't match up" with the diagnosis. Instead of considering that he was incorrect, he instead assumed it was something unrelated, despite happening during a flare-up. It's really odd for someone so young to just suddenly lose their vision like that, but what do I know?
+
+In response to the discrepancies I noted between the diagnosis and my actual symptoms and progression, the neurologist told me to just wait for a nerve biopsy test to confirm his diagnosis. This took several months. The end result was negative. All of that time, wasted.
+
+In fact, the neurologist was so confident that he claimed that his diagnosis was "the only possible neurologic explanation." This singular quote felt like the epitome of my entire experience, because of just how badly it would age in spite of its confidence.
+
+## Progression
+
+The current phase of my disease involved the sudden progression of cognitive symptoms, hallucinations and sudden large muscle jerks at night, and, most critically, breathing dysfunction at night, with breathing continually slowing to a stop before restarting. Had I believed the neurologist, I would have been extremely shocked. But somehow, I managed to predict the otherwise extremely unlikely onset of brain damage at age 21.
+
+This is what being a zebra gets you. Even if you know exactly what you have, you're forced to watch as doctors fumble with horse diagnoses as your condition deteriorates more and more. I'm sure I will thoroughly enjoy my prize of cynicism, preventable damage, and a potentially life-threatening symptom.

content/Health/Causes of Death.md

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+There are three main ways I predict for [[the disease]] to be fatal:
+
+## Autonomic
+
+This refers to a catastrophic failure of the brain's automatic control of processes in the body. It appears to be the most likely option due to what appears to be heavy involvement of the brainstem and/or cranial nerves. Causes from this category include:
+
+- Sudden cardiac arrest due to heart arrhythmia
+- Respiratory failure due to failure to regulate breathing
+- Dangerous blood pressure levels due to failure to regulate it
+- Aspiration pneumonia due to dysphagia
+- Sepsis from a UTI due to urinary retention
+- Falls or accidents due to balance issues or low blood pressure
+
+## Motor
+
+This refers to the loss of the brain's ability to control the muscles. Causes from this category include:
+
+- Respiratory failure due to paralysis of the lungs
+- Falls or accidents due to partial weakness or paralysis
+
+## Mental
+
+This refers to the dysfunction of cognitive processes, emotional regulation, and perception of reality due to brain damage. Causes from this category include:
+
+- Risky behavior or violence due to delusions, disinhibition, or drastic personality damage
+- Suicide due to unbearable suffering or the above
+
+## Other Causes
+
+These are niche causes that may also happen, but are probably quite unlikely:
+
+- Falls or accidents due to diminished senses (e.g. vision and hearing)

content/Health/Flare-Ups.md

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+A flare-up of my condition can be triggered physically:
+
+- When the neck is bent for an extended period of time
+- When lifting heavy objects
+- When high amounts of pressure are placed on the disc
+
+The herniated disc's location is C7-T1, the base of the cervical spine.
+
+Flare-ups cause weeks or months of pain and symptom progression. They often cause permanent damage. **They must be avoided at all costs.**
+
+Physical flare-ups typically take effect 24 hours after the inciting event.
+
+The tell-tale signs of a physical flare-up are:
+
+- Dull pain in the C7-T1 location
+- Many distinct instances of pain triggered by moving within seconds of each other
+- Explosion of neurological pain and sensory symptoms the next day
+
+## Physical Flare-Up Events
+
+These events caused flare-ups of my disease:
+
+| Apparent Cause                        | Date           | Effects                                                        |
+| ------------------------------------- | -------------- | -------------------------------------------------------------- |
+| Original herniation                   | 4/3/21         | After initial weakness, pain in hands                          |
+| Working                               | Summer 2021    | Pain spread to legs, numbness in arms                          |
+| Carrying dad's scooter, neck bent     | September 2021 | Pain spread to face, neck, back of head                        |
+| Bending neck to take exam for 2 hours | 11/10/21       | Pain spread to full body, bladder issues, optic neuritis, POTS |
+
+## Non-Physical Flare-Up Events
+
+These flare-ups were **not likely to be caused** by any physical event:
+
+| Date     | Effects                                                                                                                                        |
+| -------- | ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
+| 11/27/23 | Breathing that slows and stops, extreme myoclonus, and auditory hallucinations, all when trying to sleep, nasal myoclonus; NO increase in pain |
+
+## Physical Non-Events
+
+These events were expected to possibly cause a flare-up, but **did not**:
+
+| Date     | Event                                                              |
+| -------- | ------------------------------------------------------------------ |
+| 12/25/23 | Hugged by mom, arm wrapped around neck with force right above disc, foo bar baz |
+| 12/5/23  | Was sat up for several hours being out and about, shoulders hurt   |
+
+TODO: Add more of these

content/Health/Optical Anomalies.md

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+TODO: Include the digital recreation of one of my visual disturbances and try to recrete the shadow/ripple one from moving eyes to the side and turning head. Print out to show the eye doctor

content/Health/The Disease.md

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+The Disease is a malignant process that has been slowly deteriorating my neurological function since April 2021.
+
+It is disabling and potentially fatal.
+
+Because of this, it is critical for me to be ready for anything.
+
+## Onset
+
+During my time working at Texas Roadhouse, physical labor and long working hours led to me developing upper back pain. Eventually, while writing names on bags, my arms suddenly dropped with weakness and numbness. An MRI scan much later would show a C7-T1 herniated disc. Weakness and numbness in the arms recovered after a week, and symptoms began in the hands soon after.
+
+## Symptoms and Progression
+
+### Physical
+
+**Active:**
+
+- Random neuropathic pain and fasciculations nearly everywhere in the body, which includes the face and head
+- [[Optical Anomalies|Visual disturbances]]
+- Permanent vision loss in right eye
+- Double vision in right eye
+- Shadows/blind spots that only appear when moving eyes and head a certain way
+- Random moments of vertigo
+- Tingling on the entire left side of the face
+- Auditory hallucinations when trying to sleep
+- Large-scale involuntary movements when trying to sleep, to the point of both arms shooting off the bed, suddenly sitting up, or all four limbs violently jerking completely involuntarily
+- Automatic breathing continually slows down and stops when trying to sleep
+- Difficulty emptying bladder (takes several seconds to minutes)
+- Frequent urination
+- Slow/weak urination
+- Worse balance
+- Sometimes passing gas involuntarily (sphincter weakness?)
+- No urge to have a bowel movement
+
+**Dormant:**
+
+- Tremor in chest
+- Legs feeling heavy
+- Episode of whole body weakness for 2 days, bad enough to need a wheelchair
+
+### Cognitive
+
+**Active:**
+
+- Difficulty remembering things, short and long term
+- Misreading words, forming incorrect sentence structures, forgetting words, writing incorrect words
+ * Reading errors usually consist of words that have similar letters
+   Examples:
+   Prototypical -> Philosophical
+   Word -> More
+ * Writing errors usually consist of words that are part of the same category or have similar letters
+   Examples:
+   Pie -> Ice cream
+   Channel -> Chill
+- Internal monologue randomly becoming senseless babbling
+
+**Dormant:**
+
+- None
+
+
+Progression of the disease mostly happens in distinct flare-ups, followed by remissions, the history of which is documented [[Flare-Ups|here]]. Historically, they have been directly caused by pressure on the disc, but recently, flare-ups appear to be happening independently of this. Some symptoms, such as vertigo and mild cognitive symptoms, developed outside of a marked flare-up event.
+
+## Classification
+
+I believe that the disease is ultimately an atypical form of multiple sclerosis, triggered by and exacerbated by my herniated disc's contact with the spinal cord, triggering a runaway autoimmune response that could be classified as multiple sclerosis.
+
+Periods of recovery and unnoticeable activity suggest a relapsing-remitting pattern characteristic of RRMS.
+
+Multiple sclerosis commonly involves optic neuritis, bladder issues, balance issues, cognitive symptoms, and other CNS-related dysfunctions. I have all of these.
+
+A spine specialist noted that the herniated disc, while being in close proximity to the spinal cord, should not impede function. This lends credibility to the autoimmunity hypothesis, wherein the immune system is responsible for the damage, not the disc itself.
+
+### Congenital Dormant Autoimmunity Theory
+
+Still, a herniated disc leading to an autoimmune attack on the central nervous system seems to be an undocumented phenomenon; I have seen not one medical paper describing such an interaction. If this is not multiple sclerosis, it may be an extremely rare disease, and I may be the only person in the world who has it due to unusual environmental factors. Some argue that [multiple sclerosis is a spectrum of demyelinating diseases](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inflammatory_demyelinating_diseases_of_the_central_nervous_system) with numerous specific causes, including multiple classes of autoantibodies and different environmental factors.
+
+I nearly died shortly after birth. Although I don't fully remember the details, my mother's immune system was destroying my own cells, and I required multiple blood transfusions.
+
+This may have caused my immune system to learn to target a specific protein in an aggressive manner that happens to appear in my neurons or the surrounding myelin insulation. It may be that response to a spinal cord injury (such as minor compression) causes a flood of immune cells to target my spinal cord and eventually brain, detecting the presence of this protein.
+
+Essentially, this would mean that this condition had been lying dormant for 18 years before finally striking once there was an injury on or very close to my spinal cord.
+
+I am not a biologist though, so I don't know for sure. Other potential causes include other environmental factors, virsues, or my scoliosis surgery.
+
+## Prognosis
+
+Due to what appears to be extensive involvement with the brainstem and cervical spine, disruption of critical mechanisms like breathing, and the ample amount of time for progression, I believe that the disease is likely to be fatal. There are [[Causes of Death|multiple ways this could happen.]]
+
+A minority of cases of multiple sclerosis are severe enough to [cause death relatively shortly after onset](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malignant_multiple_sclerosis), so this is not unprecedented; it is entirely possible for aggressive and severe demyelinating disease to be fatal.
+
+Additionally, a [medical paper about neurological respiratory failure](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7224095/) states:
+
+>Inflammatory and infectious diseases of the CNS are a very heterogeneous group of diseases that can affect CNS function with different patterns of symptoms and signs. Pulmonary complications are related to an **altered breathing control system**, severity of associated reduction of consciousness, and involvement of respiratory muscles. Pulmonary impairments have long been recognized as major causes of morbidity and **mortality** in individuals with advanced **multiple sclerosis**, due to acute or chronic respiratory disorders. Chronic RF (Respiratory Failure) involves bulbar (brainstem) dysfunction with swallowing disorders, **altered central respiratory drive**, motor disorders following corticospinal lesions, or **sleep-disordered breathing**. Acute conditions mainly involve spinal or bulbar (brainstem) relapse with extensive plaques, neurogenic pulmonary edema, or ARF (Acute Respiratory Failure), often following sepsis. Common pulmonary-related complications in encephalitis are poor gag reflex, pooling of secretion, and loss of swallowing, with risk of aspiration pneumonia and RF (Respiratory Failure) development.
+
+In plain English, this means that, for inflammatory central nervous system diseases like multiple sclerosis, life-threatening outcomes can occur due to disordered central respiratory control, including sleep-disordered breathing, which encompasses the breathing symptoms I experience. This heavily implies that an exacerbation of my current symptoms or a flare-up that attacks more of this area can be fatal.
+
+In other words, **I may be only one event away from death.**
+
+I have been processing this outcome [[Some Thoughts on Death|in many different ways]].
+
+My disease seems to be [[Facing Unspeakable Horrors|hard for others to process]] when they hear about it.
+
+As with regular MS, the disease may also become severely disabling, with the possibility of sudden paralysis and blindness. This has led me to consider the creation of [[Project Pulsar]].